I see a sentiment now and then:
"I want to belong here, but I never feel like I do."
And often I hear this out of the mouths of people who are loved by members of their community, who are eager to welcome them, and I wonder at the disconnect.
And I think I may have, at least to some small degree, figured it out.
We're so afraid of being where we're not wanted (or worse, of setting our things down only to be chased out at the first mistake) that we don't set down roots.
And without roots, one cannot belong anywhere.
A tree does not grow in soil that has tunnels conveniently-dug for its root system. It is planted in soft, pliant soil, in earth that will give way and make room for it as the sapling establishes its place.
And that's the balance. One does not belong until one has put down roots, claimed a space. It is not about finding a place where you do belong, but finding a place you could belong--finding that place with good soil and favorable rains and just the right amount of sun--and saying, "This could be my place. I will grow here. I will make it so."
I have seen damned near every korps writer I've read recently rebug, or comment on this basically saying "yeah, I feel this"
The collective who have picked me up, shattered my defences and given me a whole range of tools to put myself back together, maybe working on some of the bits that desperately needed attention, that were locked away behind armour untouchable, rotting from the inside.
I wish I could sit all of you down in a circle, have you look at eachother, all feeling the same way. It shows that many of you already love and trust eachother. Many of you have had similar interactions with eachother work as I have. Have been inspired to build something together.
I hope somewhere you're all talking to eachother, that one of you has cracked your own armour and leaned against one of the others. I hope that you all let your roots entwine.
I don't know if any of that makes sense, I just feel like I'm rambling.
