aidan

eggbug enthusiast

@aidan

girlboss in chief on this Web Site

you are a worm through time


we decided, immediately after posting that, to reassess how we calculate conversion rate to be based on Active Users (which are actually using the site) instead of Activated Users (which are allowed to post). these numbers were previously about 1:1, but since it's been over a month since launch we're seeing more disparity there. we haven't figured out the correlation between "how many users are in the activation batch" and "how many users actually start posting" but we're gonna get there.

anyway 500 more of you can post now. welcome to cohost :eggbug:




huge week with a ton of small fixes and improvements. extremely exciting stuff.

first, on activations: we’re floating around the cap again so, while we’re still doing daily activation batches, they’re smaller than they were previously. we’ve got some work in progress that will (hopefully) give us another boost in cohost Plus! subscriptions so we can start activating more users again.

more exciting news: starting in september, @jessfromonline will be joining the team part-time for the next few months! she’ll be focusing on bug fixes (she’s got a few in this week’s patch notes already!) so that colin and jae can focus entirely on Features and other big chunks of work. we’re thrilled to have the extra set of hands moving forward.

now, patch notes!

  • changed where the post composer takes you after saving a post:
    • draft? takes you to the drafts page
    • everything else? takes you where you just were
  • added a preview of where a manual “read more” will sit in the post composer
  • changed the post editor and profile editor to warn you if you’re trying to leave without saving
  • changed the behavior of the dashboard to only refresh when you ask for new posts, instead of refreshing continuously
    • also fixed a bug that would alert you of Ghost Posts
  • added a setting to hide the number of unread notifications in the sidebar
    • you’ll just get a blank egg! further freedom from the tyranny of Numbers
    • also: this is jess’s first change to the site! wow!
  • changed the order of our <head> tags to hopefully prevent the Flash of Unstyled Content common referred to as “purple cohost”
read more



In this paper we present irrefutable proof of the presence of Americans on the Cohost1 website.

By analyzing the activity levels of website users and correlating them with statistical data about people’s sleep patterns, we can, with high statistical likelihood, estimate the locations of these people on the Earth2.

Our methodology consists of measuring the hourly notification frequency on a sample Cohost user account, with the assumption that this data will represent a reasonable estimate of the activity on the entire website. By repeatedly querying the /api/v1/notifications/list API endpoint on cohost.org, we were able to obtain over one month of Cohost notification data (N = 2058).

In this data, we could not see anything.

However, using computer technology3, we were able to sort the data into 24 buckets representing the hour of the day in the UTC time zone. From this, it was possible to create a histogram of the data (Fig. 1).

a histogram showing notification frequency by UTC hour, from 0 to 23.
Fig. 1: Notification frequency by UTC hour.

The data has a single maximum value at 21:00 UTC, and a single minimum value at 10:00 UTC. We can thus estimate that the Cohost website is most active and least active at around those hours.

A 2016 study4 revealed that people go to sleep at around 23:00 and wake at around 7:00 in their local time zone. Using the arithmetic mean5 between the two values in the finite additive group ℤ/24ℤ, we were able to calculate that it is very likely for people to be asleep at 3:00, and very likely for people to be awake at 15:00.

Hence,

  • let amax,utc = 21 be the max. activity hour in UTC
  • let amin,utc = 10 be the min. activity hour in UTC
  • let hawake = 15 be the mean awake hour in any local time zone
  • let hasleep = 3 be the mean asleep hour in any local time zone

We can now formulate an optimization problem to find a UTC offset k to minimize the metric |amax,khawake| + |amin,khasleep|, where i ∈ {min, max} ai,k = ai,utc + k.

This problem is trivially solvable:

k equals the integral from negative to positive infinity of e to the power of minus 4 pi t squared over h awake plus h asleep squared d t minus one half the L1 norm of the two-dimensional vector a max utc, a min utc. this is equivalent to: k = -6.5

The average UTC offset of a Cohost user is hence −6.5. Consulting a map reveals that this UTC offset coincides with the location of North America (Fig. 2).

Fig. 2: The average location of a Cohost user.

Hence, the average Cohost user resides with high likelihood in North America, providing irrefutable proof that there are Americans on Cohost (p ≪ 0.001).

Discussion

It is unclear what this means.


  1. C. Bayer, J. Kaplan, A. Grealish, Cohost dot org, in: the interweb(s) (2022).

  2. Disputed author, Earth, in: Nature (−4.54×109)

  3. L. Menabrea, A. Lovelace, Sketch of The Analytical Engine Invented by Charles Babbage (1842).

  4. O. Walch, A. Cochran, D. Forger, A global quantification of “normal” sleep schedules using smartphone data, in: Science Advances, Vol. 2, Issue 5 (2016). doi: 10.1126/sciadv.1501705

  5. Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Book II.



i think the modern web has cursed me. i think they pulled an ol’ pavlovian conditioning trick without knowing it. every time i open a website now i am so anxious to ever scroll down because i’m already half-expecting it to suddenly kick you out halfway down the page with a big popup begging you oh won’t you please log in or sign up to see more tweets… won’t you please give us your email address… won’t you please pay us $5 a month so you can read the rest of the article…
i think the modern web has cursed me. i think they pulled an ol’ pavlovian conditioning trick without knowing it. every time i open a website now i am so anxious to ever scroll down because i’m already half-expecting it to suddenly kick you out halfway down the page with a big popup begging you oh won’t you please log in or sign up to see more tweets… won’t you please give us your email address… won’t you please pay us $5 a month so you can read the rest of the article…
this is just some blurred text… if u can read this no you can’t

i can’t just paste the same character in here over and over because even when it’s blurred you’d probably be able to tell. and lorem ipsum is so boring. i mean, i guess i could post the bee movie script here, but like, whatever,

gotta get some of that gray thingy in here. i don’t remmeber what it’s called. it’s very important in type design. to get, like, your overall text to look like an even gray. you dont want random characters to stick out too much. this paragraph is gonna be a little longer. gotta get some variety in here y’know. bluh bluh bluh text tex text. u ever think about letters? my favorite little type design thing is like, the lowercase y in e.g. Fira Sans. it’s very subtle, but if you look close you’ll see that the left and right lines don’t join together perfectly. instead, the left line sticks out a little bit. i think that’s so nice.

alright I think that’s enough text. i can probably stop writing this now!!!

an image of a speeding eggbug!

Woah there, not so fast!

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