Something that has greatly improved my relationship to my parents is to focus on what we have in common, rather than our differences. Growing up, the differences were the elephant in the room. I think that many children of parents who’ve lived through extreme hardship can relate to isolating ourselves emotionally so we wouldn’t burden our parents.
I can’t speak for everyone’s families, but I think my parents are eager to be close to their children, the way my siblings and I have always longed to be with them. In my adult life, I’ve been trusting that the love runs both ways and I try to act accordingly.
Nowadays, we see each other a few times a week and they help take care of my baby. 💖 I’m working up the courage to come out to them as non-binary. I think they’ll be fine with it, though confused.
There are still some painful differences, but I don’t think that is something that can be solved within one generation. Sometimes healing isn’t just about one person, but a whole community. I’ve accepted that I may never see the changes that I long for in my lifetime, but I think my place is to be alongside my family for the journey.