in the past i used to say lots of things like "there are many jobs i could do if i had a supportive workplace" but now the truth of it is i simply cannot do much. my brain is broken. my body, corroded. i cling to disability benefits (equivalent to ~6usd/hr@40hr/wk) to remain housed and not be able to participate in society. i am slowly dying of the genocidal neglect that is directed at all disabled people in the united states. i cannot even legally accept help from people or try to build savings, lest the federal government accuse me of fraud and prosecute me.
i fantasize about crowdfunding 2k a month for doing nothing so i can stop being surveilled for a living, but so many brilliant artists of all disciplines cant scratch that. what the fuck am i supposed to do? a generation ago my only life would be psychiatric warehousing, and having been confined, this really isnt much better. broadly, society would rather spend that 2k a month imprisoning me than supporting me. this simplifies a lot of political questions.
if you want this world to continue, you want me and millions like me to die in anguished anonymity as the cost of doing business. as a scare tactic for the homeowners to be good Citizens. the roots must be dug and burned for me to have a chance
i do not want politics. i want to live. i yearn for a mirror that shows me the compassion of violence storming inside my heart.
have you the courage?