Even when I was pre-trans full-tilt cishet guy I hated my deadname, and I asked my mom why she chose it, and she always sort of shrugged and pointed at like five different other extended family members with the same name. At one point she finally slipped and mentioned she was going to name me something a lot cooler, and I was like "why the fuck didn't you go with that?" And she's been apologizing ever since, lmao. It got funnier once I came out for sure, but it was never kosher, not for a second, lol
Like no joke I seriously considered changing my name long before I ever transitioned, andrea is the gender-rectified version of the name I wanted to go by
from early childhood I went by my middle name (which thankfully everyone around me was fine with) because my given first name was fucking Theodore and I don't mind saying so because it was a fully buried deadname before I was old enough to associate any trauma with it lmao. like, in my earliest memories a few people put my first initial in front of my middle name (and I think that was mainly because it created a cute phonetic pun), otherwise it basically didn't exist. hell, I didn't even put it on my first adult ID card, though that caused some issues (and still does when I have to list "prior names and aliases," whoops). so yeah, for most of my life Theodore only ever saw use on bureaucratic documents — which has now made it a quick and easy way to identify junk mail and spam! 😆
