I have yet to see a dating app that actually seems optimized for the way people operate IRL (honestly a more effective strategy would prolly be an app that plans singles' mixers in meatspace...) but it sure is something looking at reviews of what's out there for queer people and instantly knowing that the (cis) reviewer has no context of what it's like to use these things while trans, and therefore has not communicated any relevant information
"This app has 20+ different gender options!" Cool! Does it coercively misgender nonbinary people anyway due to tech debt?
"No but you see it has 20 different—" Did you actually try making a full account as a nonbinary person? Make a full account for me, why don't you.
"Oh, well, I guess it asks you to label yourself as male or female for sorting, but it doesn't show that word on the profile so I don't see what—" Buddy. If you EVER get to the point of asking a nonbinary person "but is your gender really a man or a woman" you have made a wrong turn.
(Also, in practice, people do not read.)
So, sure, this app might legitimately have 20 gender options, but as a trans person I can't trust that just because you say a number! How are they implemented? Is transphobic behavior covered by the safety policy? Are there ways for trans users to filter out people not interested in dating a trans person?
Am I going to be able to position myself as a queer person who is neither a woman nor a lesbian and see queer women and nonbinary people who would be interested in dating someone of that description, or is that going to be reduced to "straight man with extra steps" and now my entire algorithm is straight women who aren't remotely interested, so I have to set myself as a woman to be read as queer, and now people think I must be a lesbian and misgender me constantly?
Anyway love too see a glowing review for how trans-inclusive a queer dating app is when after their rebrand I posted that as a trans person I felt like the redesign's language was more trans-exclusionary than the previous setup and a cis employee of the company argued with me on the app itself that "counterpoint, no you don't, source: dude trust me"1
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In retrospect it just clicked for me that one of the things she said would imply that femmy cis men would be more welcome than I am...