alloyed

The Age of Dark and Discord falls

AAA at videogame development, AAAAaaaaaa at being scared of things

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Kirobsi
@Kirobsi
alloyed
@alloyed asked:

what do you think the relationship between an author and the reception of their work should be? do you think people should be reading the comments, using critiques, (or maybe cynically, following the numbers) as a kind of feedback for future work?

This is a really good prompt that is exactly my kind of shit, so thank you, first of all. I really appreciate that you put in the effort to ask stuff... c:


So this is actually my second try at answering this. The first time it was tempting to take the question as is and discuss it, but honestly that's a bad idea as it devolves into weird prescriptive "idk I guess soul in art is determined by X amount of caring" which is nebulous and unproductive. So instead I'll just leave my actual answer at:

There is no rule for this, and cynicism isn't so clear cut.

Anyway, my personal approach is where I can actually talk about this subject. The relationship I have to reception is… well, it's largely not really a thing, only recently have I been getting any significant acknowledgement from people at all and even then it's not very much. It should be obvious that I'm a stickler about artistic integrity and part of that is my unwavering dedication to avoiding unwanted artistic obligation. I only make stuff I'm interested in and it's often very personal work. My fats stories are obvious in how personal they are, but even something like the Tacklebox video is vulnerable, there's little detachment between it and myself despite the subject being largely external to me. I can imagine this being a bad thing if someone tells me of their distaste for my work, as I'd probably take it more personally than I should…

So, I don't think that reception would affect me all that much in choosing what works to make in the future. The largest exception is affirmation of skill: if reception is super positive, I may be convinced that my efforts have culminated into a real talent at a given thing, which will make me more likely to do it again than if I'm left to eternally worry about being misguided or bad or such. But being convinced that I can write an analysis of the Tacklebox well, for example, doesn't mean that I'm gonna dedicate myself to 3D platformer analysis or even game analysis, it just means that analysis is on the table as a thing I can do and do well. To me, it doesn't represent an opportunity that I should capitalize on, it represents a reason to keep making things regardless of what they are. I don't chase audience, I chase a feeling of contentment in my work.

But of course nobody really functions so idealistically, I'm sure I'm swayed in some ways by a desire to be seen. In my case it's not that I want to be famous or have a particularly big audience - I don't for many reasons - but rather that I simply want people to resonate with my work, whether that's finding insight and discussion in my analyses or emotional potency in my stories, etc., which requires at least some attention. Having people see and engage with my work is good, it feels really nice, but that isn't necessarily the same as fame.

I guess this is to say that direction is not dictated externally for me. What I actually make is solely down to my interests, ideas and desires at a given time, and people really liking one thing I did isn't gonna make me wanna just do that again, I don't think. The type of expression that art is for me just… I don't think it'd work out that way. Like, I felt very touched about the reception to my fats stories a few months back, but I haven't written any since then except for a commission. This Tacklebox video is being received well by those who've seen it (including a dev! you have no idea how vindicated I felt about the conversation that resulted from that lol) but I think my next project is a really fucking bizarre story I wanna write. Or, well, my next project after I throw together a video very quickly that I've had in the works since the start of June (before Tacklebox) and finish subtitles for the Tacklebox. Frankly it's probably not really gonna go anywhere but I'm excited to give it a try.

bleh. this feels sorta like a ramble that doesn't holistically address what I wanted to say, but I'm really tired and it doesn't need to be polished and so I Post


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in reply to @Kirobsi's post:

aaa im jelly tbhhh

I think my own relationship with the subject is one million percent poisoned by the fact that I didn't really share much of my work at all before getting a job to do it commercially, and so my first "experience" of actual feedback was like, the firehose of all the Angry Gamers out there.

And it's a bit weird! because the act of making something commercially means you have to pay attention to feedback, and there were definitely occasionally moments of "oh that's nice this person enjoyed what I made without even knowing necessarily that a Person had to Make it", but mostly it's kind of a loop of hunting for negative feedback and then correcting it, over and over again. rounding off all potential edges to make the Most Marketable thing.

And that isn't to say the critique is ever wrong or not valuable, on a literal level it is Value, but the process feels like a special kind of unhealthy, the more that it's required of you to do it.

and so the idea that you could meaningfully disconnect from that, and make something for an audience of You, and for the people are that are Also You in an indirect way, makes me hopeful. maybe I can get there~~~

(ty for the answer)

ooh! very neat, thank you for telling me ^w^

regarding criticism which I kinda didn't address much, uhh. well I also haven't gotten much of that to be honest, but when I do it can be a little tough for me to handle. hurts a bit at first. A good example is my Tacklebox video, where I finished the rough cut linked in the video's description and my special friend gave a few bits of criticism. I was pretty desperate to just release the thing already so it hurt a lil. That was the 29th so not so bad, got released less than 24 hours later, and the feedback was genuinely good! so I guess that's how criticism goes for me. Hurts at first but is ultimately positive.

I think feedback is conversation rather than gospel, it's merely something for the author to consider implementing. It should always be honestly considered but making a decision about whether or not a given piece of feedback is right for a project is up to the author(s) in question. Being so deep in feedback and iteration thereof does seem pretty rough... hopefully it isn't too hard on you!,