me: I've been eating Milano cookies for like 20 years. I can't believe you'd betray me by making them smaller. my hands know the shape and size of Milanos and I am not deceived; I won't be buying these again.
Pepperidge Farm: how about these Limited Edition™️ London Fog™️ Bergamot Tea Flavored Milanos™️, though?
me: augh fuck fine, I guess I wasn't THAT committed to staying mad.
Pepperidge Farm: also there's three fewer whole cookies in the package now. enjoy!
me: YOU SONS OF MANGY BITCHES