amikumanto

And the ultimate bloging begins

  • she/her

28 / autistic / Toronto



zippity
@zippity

GAME: Bumpkin Boy's Bizarre Adventures

CHARACTER NAME: Ur'Grobash, First Blade of Kaa'Gromesh

As I said in my previous post on the subject, the phenomenon of chaotically-laden dinner tables in porn games is one of my favorites to document and report on. This is a truly wonderful example, one of the finest of my collection - I wish the dev had included a shot that didn't have several elements obscured by chairs (why even PUT food in those positions if you aren't going to show it clearly?) but I do have to give them credit for the shot I included in the third image of honestly fairly well-represented mostly-cleared plates.

There is a truly staggering amount of food and drink on this table, so let's not waste time in examining it all:

  • First, the beverage situation. Every single character is drinking something different. The two younger girls have what are either different flavors of soda or possibly cocktails, both garnished with fruit wedges. The mom character has a glass of red wine (with the bottle close at hand. Wine moms are EXTREMELY common in these games.) Finally, the player character has been poured a cup of hot tea? Orange pekoe, maybe?
  • Let's go through the food now, starting from the mom's side of the table with what is MAYBE a salad? Or, like, steamed mushrooms and broccoli on a bed of greens? Really can't tell
  • Next to that, we have what looks like a VERY large serving of meatloaf, or maybe some kind of terrine. Either way, the contents of this plate ALONE could feed all four people at this table
  • Working our way down the table, we have two very large platters, both with what appear to be some kind of fish on them. One plate we never get to see clearly enough to properly identify (the plate is completely empty the only time we see it unobscured), but the other one seems to hold two entire whole cooked fish (trout, maybe) as well a bunch of shellfish? Hard to tell
  • Fruit plate with a buncha different-colored grapes and some itty-bitty apples
  • Now it's getting good. This plate is only partially visible in the 2nd image, but it's one of my favorites. It contains a single croissant, a single piece of toast, and a single-but-impossibly-overloaded hardshell taco. It's plates like these that make me wish I could live out the rest of my days studying the brains of the people who craft these beautiful tableaux
  • If you thought the last plate was crazy, know that this next one is not to be outdone. It's some kind of roast fowl - chicken or duck, most likely - atop a bed of what can only be Brussels sprouts, with a few carrot chunks thrown in for color. For some unknowable reason, the bird has been placed not on its stomach, on its front, with its legs sticking straight into the air. Is this a thing? Do people do this?
  • A MOUNTAIN of what I think are intended to be dumplings. Or very small pumpkins, who knows.
  • Finally, a pretty normal hot pot.

Also on the table is a tall, clear vase containing seven long-stemmed red roses and no water.

Now, what I like about being given the after-meal shot is that it lets us see what an ABSURD amount of food these ravenous porn monsters consume to fuel their grim deeds. The hot pot? EMPTY. The croissant, toast, and taco? Not a crumb left. The partially-obscured fish dish and fully half of the fish we COULD see are completely gone. Only the drumsticks remain of the chicken-or-maybe-duck. Less than half of the dumplings remain. The fruit and meatloaf seem to not have been touched, and the salad appears to have been merely picked at.

What REALLY chills me about that last shot, though?

No fish bones. No chicken bones. No empty shellfish shells. Chilling.

Oh also I guess they ate the hot pot with forks and knives? Fucked-up, man. These Honey Select bitches are built different.


You must log in to comment.