There are so many things I could do and yet, day after day, I find myself unable to not be bored. I just cannot find away to make myself do things that make me happy.
Time after time again, I choose to languish and to fuel my own shame by refreshing the same five websites over and over again. Websites I don't even want to read. Websites I don't even like. Websites I know are bad for me.
This has to be a form of self-harm.
I could play a game I know I'll enjoy, but I don't.
I could watch a film or read a book I want to see or read, but I won't.
Why the hell not?
These are things that do not require effort, that do not carry a risk of ending up feeling like a waste of time, and yet I cannot do them.
I can only sit, or lie, and wait for something to give me no choice but to take action.
Why do I have to beg myself for allowing myself to enjoy myself?
