Trying to break into The New Yorker

Interests: video games, food, cats, husband.
I've got two kitties, Kirby and Butter.
Currently playing: FFXIV (evergreen), Outer Wilds DLC
Recently finished: Outer Wilds base game, Returnal
Trying to break into The New Yorker
my roommate and i used to always say this in college as a greeting when we walked in our bedroom
Boy, applying the "universal New Yorker caption" to this one sure takes a turn for the literal. 
But what if the caption read, "Please no meat touching, ma'am" ?