I think I've figured out why I'm so exhausted with certain types of discussion revolving around single-player* games: it feels like people (at least people online) can't qualify improvement at them without finding some way to quantify it, so everything gets really centered around that quantification (which is usually speedrunning, but there's also scoring in games with good scoring systems, challenge runs, restricted runs, etc.).
to me being good at games is just... it's understanding, y'know? it's having knowledge of systems and the will and desire to keep digging into them. that, to me, is the goal; to grow in terms of what you know and what you can do, and the confidence you gain from that. but everything has to be a competition instead. i'm sick of speedrunners, i'm sick of "top players", i just want to see people who dig into this stuff because they find it inherently fulfilling.
i think this is why life is exhausting me, too. feels like there's no way into anything without it feeling like a grueling competition because you have to make the money number go up or else your hours are being wasted. what a pain.
*I even feel this way about fighting games sometimes too but I'm more lenient on them because, well, the competition is very much The Point and I can't fault anyone for focusing on that
