after three months of work, i finished my most important painting yet π³οΈβππ
after studying with my current art teacher for two years, i'm moving to canada to go to grad school next month, so this was intended as my "finale piece" at my current studio. it was originally inspired by nelson shanks' painting "pigtails," which i transposed onto myself and my braids. through creating and planning it, though, it morphed into something quite different - an expression of what i feel as a femme lesbian, the process of learning how to exist as a queer person who "passes for straight" in many situations. i wanted to honor the peace i've finally found within myself as a lesbian, as i spent so many years questioning whether i was allowed a queer existence if i clung so strongly to the femininity engrained in my youth.
in the painting, i stand in front of a closed door, questioning whether femininity denies recognition of my queerness. because of how i present myself, i can effectively re-closet myself in hostile environments, and i am palatable to cishet audiences - privileges not available to all queer people. however, defiantly holding my flag over my shoulder is a rejection of the closet, an affirmation to myself that my femininity is an expression of my queerness and my identity as a femme lesbian, a promise to stand with members of my community who lack the privileges i hold, of being white, cis, and traditionally feminine.
the title of this piece is "to give honor where there has been shame," which is taken from myckel johnson's essay "butchy femme," found in the collection "the persistent desire" by joan nestle (though it's often misattributed to maggie nelson). the full quote reads, "to be femme is to give honor where there has been shame." in coming into my own as a femme lesbian, in learning the history of lesbian communities, in understanding the importance of butch lesbians to our community, i've learned that my femininity is not the forced expression of someone raised as a girl. i've made the choice to embody femininity to give honor to my community and all of its members, past and present.
("To Give Honor where There has Been Shame," 18"x24", oil on canvas)
