You ever think about outer wilds… i will probably never finish it because i think i just don’t have the video game muscle memory to accomplish tasks, but i just remembered the in character captain’s log I kept while playing and got emotional about my little guy…. oh Brick, i’m sorry I couldn’t find the answers for you….
Captain’s Log #1
I saw like I did at the observatory the Nomai statue everything repeated I fell out I fell out of my fucking ship I hit a cavern wall I was trying to fix it but I fell and it was just getting further away and there was something huge and
I should be dead I was dead
Im not im back here in this ship
Should I go home?
I could pretend it didn’t happen, go back and say “scouting mission went fine, ready to go for real this time”
is this a dream
I’m breathing my heart is beating i’m not crushed in that dark wet place I’ll do better this time I have a second chance I’ll do better
I’ll do better
Captains Log #2
shit shit shit shit shit
I fell again. A few times but that last one got me. I’ve always been clumsy why did everyone think it was a good idea to send me up there???
The memory thing again, like rewinding
Ok ok ok what was helpful what did I learn
I went to Attlerock, Esker was there. There’s a lunar outpost, they used to repair ships, if this keeps happening that could be useful information. I read Esker’s logs at the pole, says Riebeck’s on Brittle Hollow.
Said they could hear Feldspar on Timber Hearth… Back home?? They’ve been gone a long time… I wonder if what’s happening to me is somehow happening to them?
So I tried to fly around Timber Hearth to get to where the signal was coming from but I just crashed on a bridge over a waterfall. Survived that fall but I couldn’t get out of the valley I was in, fell again trying to get back to the ship.
I was so fucking close to the signal, too.
Ok. Next time, just launch and come back down on Timber Hearth closer to the signal.
Captain's Log #3
Alright this time I'm blaming Slate, I landed a little rough back on Timber Hearth and the ship blew up. Note to self: if the hull is cracked and sparkly, RUN!
Captain’s Log #4
It was worse this time it was worse it wasn’t my fault but that’s worse because I cant fix it
I made it around the planet fine, landed ok, no exploding ship. Found the source of the signal, or a signal, I don’t know if it’s the one Esker thought was Feldspar… It was coming from a dark bramble seed. I thought I might try to find a way inside even with Tekite there saying I’d lose a limb, what would it matter if things just reset? Though I guess I don’t know how many resets I have…. Ok I shouldn’t rely on that, I’ll go on like I don’t have any more rewinds, do the best I can before
Before
The sun went nova. I couldn’t get into the bramble so I was headed back to the ship to go someplace else and…
Everything ended, not just me, the whole system. I don’t know how to st
I could learn how to stop it!!! If this reset keeps going I could
Ok next time I fly to the farthest planet I can and wait, see if that happens again or if it’s some one time thing. If I’m far enough away maybe I can figure out whats happening….
I never found those kids, I was playing hide and seek that first time, I never found them.
I’ll fix everything, and we’ll play again.
Captain’s Log #5
I’m
I’m just going to sit here and breath for a minute
Went to Giant’s Deep, the surface isn’t solid. Sunk through layers of gas or water? Landed on some sort of surface, got out to see if I could find anything interesting and nearly got swept away from my ship. Managed to get back and decided to just leave, my whole plan this time was to watch the sun from a distance.
Flew to Brittle Hollow, it was near enough by. Landed ok, I think there was a little damage to the ship but I got distracted because I think I was in Nomai ruins. The writing…. It was like what I see when things rewind. Then
I’m such an idiot
I was looking at the ruins and not where I was walking and I took a step and fell, fell, fell.
Brittle Hollow really is brittle, and low gravity, I went right through the planet and out the other side. I tried
The interloper passed by I tried to get to it and missed and then there was a bright light that warped space around it maybe some sort of well I guess not a black hole but I figured getting in there would be better than suffocating so I tried but missed that too and i was just floating
I said I wanted to look at the sun from a distance
I kept almost turning. Just looking out at the stars and the nothing. I had run out of fuel, I was running out of air, why not just look at something beautiful? But the tight chest guilt. I had to watch, what if I missed something? What if I saw some way to stop what’s coming? (What already came?)
It was just a sun
And then there was no air.
I wish I had remembered to take out the signal scope. At least I could have been listening to music.
Captain's Log #6
I don’t know if it’s cowardice that made me stay, but what does it matter? No one will know I didn’t even leave the planet that loop. Anyone reading this will, I suppose. You won’t tell, will you? You won’t frown at me for wanting to breathe deep someplace close to home?
I didn’t waste time. I did research.
I went to the zero g cave to try and get a little better at moving around space and repairing my ship when it breaks next. I… can’t say I was all that successful. Hopefully next time it happens I’ll just…. Be better.
I wish I could talk to Feldspar. Everyone seems to have a story of them, of how brave and smart they were. I bet they wouldn’t freeze up or fall over or die. They’d know how to fix the sun.
I went to the observatory and read everything I could. Anything that might help out there. There’s an exhibit on the sun, research says our sun will eventually go supernova but it doesn’t explain why it keeps happening so quickly.
Read the Nomai writing on the wall fragment. People called Casava and Filix talking about calibrating something on Attlerock. There’s another mark on there, it looks like a drawing of a supernova but the translator doesn’t work on it. Maybe it’s not that, maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see.
The sun was changing so I went to the entrance of the observatory and just watched. At first I watched the sky and then as the roaring got louder I watched the statue. I thought maybe it would change somehow? React to the end of everything?
It didn’t, and I died, and I woke up.
Captain's Log #7
Space is huge. We all
I mean, we all know that.
You wouldn't think a planet could sneak up on you.
Note to self: de-excellerate.
Captain's Log #8
I didn't fall through Brittle Hollow this time!
Just jumped onto a pile of ghost matter!
Gonna try to go back, but I think the surface may slowly erupt. Another thing to watch out for there.
Captain's Log #9
FINE! FINE! I JUST WON'T GO TO BRITTLE HOLLOW NEXT TIME!!!
SLATE, MAKE YOUR SHIPS LESS EXPLOSIVE!!
Captain’s Log #10
I got so distracted looking around for places to land I may have just a little bit collided with Timber Hearth… Again, you wouldn’t think planets could sneak up on you. Landing gear got a little damaged but I made it to the Interloper alright, and I repaired it there. There’s nothing on there that’s particularly helpful but it was fun sliding around on the ice!
Took off again, made it to Ember Twin. I was trying so hard to avoid hitting Ash Twin I landed in the canyon and and broke all the stuff I just fixed. And there was sand pouring everywhere and I figured I’d just run instead of repairing so I wouldn’t get trapped and the sun was bright and hot and close out of the canyon and I tried to fly up to be on the surface and hit too hard and that was the end.
Captain’s Log #11
Decided to fly straight for the Dark Bramble. I know it’s dangerous but it seems like just about anything is, and maybe it somehow connects to the seed back on Timber Hearth that seems so much bigger on the inside, that the signal that could be Feldspar was coming from. Maybe I can find them and ask them for help.
Except I was going too fast toward it and hit too hard and that was that. I’ll try going back.
Captain's Log #12
Will anyone read this?
My past entries haven't been erased, like I still have the launch codes and things from other trips, like I still remember everything that happens. Every broken bone, every gasp for air. I don't mean to be dramatic but I have died 12 times.
Hello? Hello. To the person reading this. If you're reading this. If anyone reads this.
Hello. I'm trying to be brave. I'm trying to do my best. I'm trying to save everyone. It's very hard
Hello. I'm afraid. I'm alone, in this.
Hello.
People call me Brick.
My name is Brick.
I died on the Dark Bramble again.
Captain’s Log #13
I still landed bad but I got out of the ship fine and I heard that signal again, the same one that came from the bramble seed back home, the same one that could be Feldspar. I should have just walked around the thing to find them but
I went inside instead.
It was cloudy, and I floated. No air in there, if theres a way to get from the bramble in space to the seed I’d have to know the way and do it quick. Didn’t need to use too much fuel, but it didn’t add much speed when I did. Maybe I can make it through the other way? Climb in on Timber Hearth?
There were lights in there, and one was red, and I was frightened of it, and so I went towards one of the light ones, and realized it was one of those fish too late. It ate me.
That’s what happened the first time. I don’t think I said. I didn’t note the planet, so much has happened I don’t quite remember…
Well. Next time, I’m going to find something new, go someplace I haven’t been. Find something beautiful.
-Brick
Captain’s Log 14
Wow! I found something !
I was aiming for Ash Twin but it was so close to the sun I had to swerve away (note to self: there are platforms on the sun? Maybe try to land on one at some point? Seems like a terrible idea, but why not!) and Giant’s deep was right there so I went over
I was so new and panicked last time I barely paid attention but there’s remnants of Nomai structures floating around the planet and this time when I went in
!!!
I was so fucking lucky! I just happened to land on a I’m not sure exactly, I think it was a giant Nomai scout launcher?? Ship a little ruined and I thought I was going to fall to death again but the gravity!! Like the thing in the observatory but on this big structure!! It had pathways and circle loops the you could walk on and projection plates that made things readable and it was them again, Cassava and more folks, they were building this thing and it sank? Which wasn’t supposed to be possible but , or just one part did and they didn’t want to test more
There was another thing the plates fit into that was like a hologram? Of other bases of theirs? There’s one on Brittle Hollow!! I have to go there next time!
The water of Giant’s Deep messes with gravity I think, and there was a storm and it kept rising and I almost fell away a few times but I managed to get to a gravity wall or these sort of purple glow tubes kind of like how I get in my ship and I would float there near
I found
Something very bad must have happened. There were bodies. All bones. One was laying down on a slab of stone that looked almost like a bed, like maybe they were resting.
There were spouses, on the team. I read it on the wall. There were two Nomai at the edge of the deck of the contraption we were in. They were in. Then I was in.
I stood with them as the sun went supernova.
-Brick
Captain’s Log 15
Another huge one
ok
I went to Brittle Hollow again to try to find the other observation deck they talked about and dumb luck struck again I managed to fly right to it. Didn't even break my ship landing! There was a signal from a shard of quantum tower that would have lead me there even if it wasn't right in front of me.
There's a dome above ground but you can’t get in there you have to go down the stairs and even on that first level you can’t get in but there’s things like how I get in my ship but you can switch them other ways and I rode down to a different level and there was walkways like the ones on last loop’s structure going up up up but a lot of the middle bits had fallen away so I still couldn’t get to the dome but there were more tunnels like roads this time and I found RIEBECK !
They’re camped out down there and they told me
I didn’t know Riebeck is afraid of space. I thought. I mean everyone who’s left before me, aren’t they braver and smarter? Riebeck’s an archaeologist, the archaeologist, I thought
I think they’re still brave, going out there and doing it anyway. They live over a
OH
Theres a black hole at the center of Brittle Hollow, it’s not just that it’s full of holes to fall through
Riebeck asked me to tell them anything about Nomai I find and I just KNOW there’s more to find on Brittle Hollow, I just didn’t manage to get to it before
I fell again
It was longer though, I had survived longer, the sun was already purple then bright hot red, I had enough oxygen, I could make it to the end
I was near that glowing light again, so very nearly made it onto a ship orbiting it, it had more of those gravity pathways so it was Nomai?
Fell away from it drifted
I was running out of air and
A specific terror: a race to die by suffocation or by watching the sun destroy everything you’ve ever known
I remembered the signal scope this time. With 60 seconds of oxygen left and the sun contracting and growing so so bright I listened to Eskar whistling. I should go back and thank him sometime.
And when I woke up and looked above me I saw the structure modeled in the Nomai station on Giant’s Deep launch a probe and fracture to pieces. I’ve seen it fifteen times and only now understood. It’s where I’ll go next.
-Brick
Captain’s Log #16
Maybe I’m just mixed up, and I’ve only really been paying attention to it twice now, but I think the Nomai probe cannon fired and broke in a different direction than it did last time. I’ll pay attention in future loops. Nothing else seems to change that drastically.
Alright! More stuff! I went to Giant’s Deep to try to land on the remains of the cannon and missed but managed to land on an island.. Or… maybe it was a tree? There was glowing parts that looked like organs or seaweed and I damaged the ship and was afraid it would blow up so I swam away. And kept swimming till i found another island and I found another traveler !! I found Gabbro!!! AND
THEY’RE IN A TIME LOOP TOO !!
I’m not alone i’m not alone i’m not alone
They’re very calm about it. They said I am very calm about it too. Maybe
I mean that doesn’t feel so true on the inside but maybe I’m getting better at this. Living this strange sort of life. I’ve been finding things, I survived the full loop three times in a row. I felt proud and strong. I wish I had the words to thank them
They’re the one that found the nomai statue, they saw the same glow that I did. We’re both bound to it. Apparently theres another island on Giant’s deep full of them. Gabbro also talked about the current, the one the Nomai mentioned. They also said it was impossible to sink anything through it. I wonder what made that piece of equipment do so?
Gabbro doesn’t know where their ship is. They wondered if it’s lonely. Can ships get lonely? Are you lonely, my ship? I admit I’m quicker to leave you than repair you. I know you’ll always be there for me next round. I should take better care of you.
Gabbro said there are four islands, and I really didn’t have much of a choice but to swim for the next one. I got a little turned around, the water is very cold and very strange. I wish I had my ship. I thought I found another island but it was Gabbro again, so I kept swimming
I found the cyclones of the endless storms of Giant’s Deep and was thrown into space but managed to come back down on the planet again
The sun was purple
I tried to swim more but I was so tired
I thought I would go back to the cyclones, get back to space to watch the end, but the end came first
Next time I try to puzzle some things together, work out what to do next.
-Brick
Captain’s Log #17
I feel like a fool
I was right, the probe is launching different directions every time. This time it came right at Timber Hearth, it looked like it landed right over the hill but I couldn’t find it. Maybe if I had walked instead of flown, maybe I could have. But I just flew around and didn’t see anything important beside those glowy ruins that I tried and failed to get to and then the Interloper was nearby so I figured why not land on it
Found a Nomai ship on there, mostly frozen, and a log of theirs saying “don’t stay here you’ll get frozen.” At least I’m not the only one making bad decisions.
I was standing by my ship and the comet was passing so close to the sun there was a terrible roaring and I was frozen not like ice like fear I kept thinking get in your ship get in your ship and leave but it was so loud and so hot
and the ship got pulled away, the suns gravity took it and I was left standing on an icy rock in the middle of space with ¾ a tank of oxygen
I slid around the ice being useless
I tried to leave the comet and aim for anything
The Dark Bramble was so close I could have at least died in a more interesting way than
gasping
But I wasn’t far enough from the Interloper wasnt paying attention slammed back down and things broke I broke
I launched again trying to get some place any place
I was heading for Giant’s Deep with a minute of oxygen and scraps of fuel and I was so close
I think i hate that one most the way you can hear yourself gasping, if only you can just hang on a little longer
I should have just walked, I should have just tried to find whatever they launched on foot. I could have finally understood something. And now it will launch some other way and I’ll never see it again.
foolish
-Brick
Captain’s Log #18
Fell into the sun
Captain’s log #19
Here is a list of things I am afraid of
1 running out of air
2 the dark bramble
3 falling
4 the twins
5 lots of other things
I thought i’d go try to be not afraid and I was crushed under sand. The ship was so close.
-Brick
Captain’s log #20
Maybe it is- wrong- selfish- bad of me to think, when I should be trying to save my family and my home but
It’s nice not to feel like a fuck up
I started this loop calm, going through things I know and don’t know.
I have a list of things to learn more about:
The gravity canon on Ember Twin
The Nomai Ruins on the moon
The Southern Observatory and the Hanging City on Brittle Hollow
Going off Nomai notes I think theres information on the ocean current and quantum down there somewhere
If I can find information about the current, I can go to the depths of Giant’s Deep
I still need to learn more about the probe cannon. One of these days I’ll land on it.
I have a nagging feeling about the interloper, I think I need to go back there too.
And The Dark Bramble… I think I could make it through if I went fast enough.
This list was longer but: I found something!
After going through things I launched with no particular destination in mind. Giant’s deep loomed out in front of me so I went for it and landed in the ocean, hard enough that I sank till I could see the core of the planet. The currents still kept me out. Gabbro said the island with the statues had a rock arch, so I went looking for it and found it! It took a few tries to land on it launching out of the water but I set down right on some sort of Nomai gravity pad. Explored a little before the cyclone came, ran back to the ship when I realized what was happening and the pad kept us safe! I just sat down in my ship till the island fell back down into the ocean. Got back out and went exploring again.
At the bottom of the island is the statue maker’s workshop, though the door seems damaged shut. Along the cliff face were purple diamonds like in my ship and they let me walk right up the thing! There were ruined house like structures up there, and writing about wanting to see a demonstration of a memory statue!
(A worry: Does that mean I am a memory? Will nothing I do actually help? Am I dead 20 times over and no use to anyone? Well. As long as I can keep acting I will do so, in case I can help.)
The cyclone was coming back around but there were glowing pads with a picture of the storm on them and when I stood on one it was the same as with the ship! I could just stand there as the island was tossed into the sky and fell back to the water. I walked further towards a ruin like nothing I’d seen before. It was a sort of squared spiral with glowing orange… rails? Sort of? And square pulsing white light in the center. I couldn’t influence any of it, though a note was left on the wall saying the statue maker was in their workshop below the island.
By this point the light was changing and it was hard to tell if it was the storm or the supernova. I went back to the houses, looked around a little longer, then stood in one of the storm circles and waited.
It got very dark. I wondered if maybe everything had ended and the circle had kept me safe. I took out the signal scope and looked for anyone and couldn’t find them for what felt like an endless amount of time but was probably only a few seconds.
I found someone, and the world ended as I listened to their song.
I have a list now. I’ll go through it, and learn what I need to know.
Memory or not, I’ll fix this.
Yours,
Brick.
Captain’s Log #21
This was kind of a…… practice round
With all the gravity stuff I’ve run into I figured I should try to be as good at moving in zero g as I can, so I just went to practice in the cave back home. I actually managed to make all three repairs on the “satellite” they set up in there!
...It took ages though.
By the time I got back out the sun was already purple-y. I wanted to shout at everyone: Look! Look! It’s wrong, everything’s going wrong again! But i didn’t. I went back to my ship and figured I’d try to get somewhere in the time I had left.
(The great thing about being in a time loop is that no one remembers you being an idiot: I was a little unsteady after the zero g cave and fell of the launch tower. No injuries but it was a humiliating ride back up the elevator.)
The sun was red by the time I was in the air. I didn’t have much time but I saw the twins- I had fooled around long enough that all the ash has drained off Ash Twin and left behind- I don’t know what! A structure of some kind! I have to go back when I have a few more minutes. As it is I collided with Ember and cracked the hull (I’m sorry, dear ship) and spun helplessly my last few breathing moments as the sun went small and then blue and then it was over. It’s beautiful, if you can get around the dread.
It wasn’t a wasted loop. I’ve seen the true shape of Ash Twin. And also…
Before I got to the zero g cave I ran into the Postcards from Space exhibit we have on Timber Hearth. There’s a satellite orbiting the planet you can use to take pictures of home, and a gathering of things memorializing our journey into space. A seat prototyped by Feldspar, a small model of the ship, a radio. I thought this was beautiful, too. Home, reaching out. To the stars. To me.
I love them all very much. It’s good to remember.
Yours,
As long as we have each other,
And even beyond that,
Brick.
Captain's Log #22
Flew to Brittle Hollow, got to the Quantum Tower, misjudged a jump, fell into the black hole. Got spit out into space, hit a structure and went crunch.
Better luck next time.
Yours,
Brick.
Captain’s Log #23
Friend,
I felt lonely as I walked to my shuttle.
I had intended to go to Brittle hollow again (and perhaps talking to Riebeck would have helped the loneliness… They’re also trapped here dying and living and dying and living) but the Interloper was passing so close I thought I’d land there again. The comet flew so close to the sun the ice melted away and I cursed myself that I hadn’t landed closer to the Nomai ship. Maybe it had thawed enough to get inside! But all was icy again by the time I reached it. I need to get to the Ember Twin gravity canon.. If I can recall the shuttle there I can learn…. I don’t know. Something. It feels important.
But so does everything! There are so many fires I don’t know which to put out first, and all the while my home turns to ash!
It’s hardly even a metaphor!!! That keeps happening!!!
I fell off the comet and suffocated to death. Still my least favorite, I think. Listened to Riebeck as it happened.
Yours,
Brick.
P.S. Oh! I forgot while I was feeling sorry for myself! The launch by Giant’s Deep was weird this round! It looked like the probe was stuttering and blinking more than usual! No idea what that means, but something probably!
Captain's Log 24
Friend,
The thing launched from the structure went so slowly this time! I thought for sure I could catch it, but I just followed it out and out and out, so far I couldn't even see the sun anymore. Turned around eventually, came down on a big depression on the other side of Attle Rock, tried to jump up a ledge to look at what looked like mining equipment maybe? and … accidentally launched myself into space…. Managed to fly back to our little moon, and crunched unpleasantly, fataly, on landing. I'll try to head back….
Yours, Brick
Captain's Log 25
Friend,
Tried to land on the structure orbiting Giant's Deep but kept missing it, so headed back to Attlerock. Landed in the crater again, found the equipment again: a pickaxe, a fuel canister, a recorded message. A research note from Chert. The ice in the crater on Attlerock matches the ice near the dark bramble, they think it's remnants of the planet it collided with and destroyed. They theorized there could be more parts of it on other planets. Maybe that's what the interloper is? The little icy meteor?
Wandered a bit looking for the nomai ruins, happened on observation notes from Esker. Feldspar in the bramble, stuff I already know, and the kind of gossip they like. Porphy and Gossian's flirting, observed and recorded on this lonely lunar station. I understand the impulse… chasing connection when you've been rendered an observer. It made me feel alone and not alone.
Well. Onto the next trip.
Yours, dear friend.
-Brick
Captain's Log 26
Friend,
You know, I used to like swimming? On hot days we'd find a spring fit for swimming and dive in, playing for hours before we got hungry enough to get out.
Landed on Giant's Deep, on a strange island that had a plant on it like the Bramble, and it frightened me, and I fell off
And swam
And swam and swam
I found Gabbro's ship, I think, just floating around near the cyclones. Couldn't get in. Kept swimming.
I was running out of oxygen. Suffocating in water, but not actually drowning. I almost wanted to take my suit off, at least feel the water if I was going to die anyway. But I kept going because maybe I could get to an island and then I got to an island with less than a minute of oxygen and I passed out within sight of trees.
Every time I start again fresh and rested but this time I feel the ghosts of that exhaustion in my bones.
Deep breaths, try again.
Yours,
Brick.