(or you have problems with 'social norms' which is the other excuse I've seen.)
I though this was obvious but like, yr neurodivergence isn't an excuse for doubling down on something once someone points out it's kinda racist (or any of your other bigotries). that's a thing you should have been working on for decades -- deferred maintenance on your part.
sure, while you're getting there you might fuck up from time to time, but that's for you to own, not for you to throw up your hands and go 'oh this was inevitable woe is all'.
same with RSD -- it is not other people's problem that you had a reaction that made you push into them, it's a thing you have to actually work on instead of shrugging your arms and saying it's inevitable. People will get that you're trying to change and learn, but I've seen RSD in general, across multiple platforms, used as excuses for like, tearing into people for pointing out yr racist and that's like... you're still being racist, and you're still being an asshole at best even if there might, somehow, be nuance that's relevant.
the thing about actions and words is you have to actually do both of them but a whole lot of people have this wild-ass learned helplessness that's like, basically a billboard saying fixing the bigotries and ignorance you hold is a lower priority than like, hanging out with friends. A priority that has been held low for over a decade at this point.
apologize and actually change when people point things out instead of escalating out of defensiveness-adrenaline-shame-whatever that white people who haven't worked on it get when people point out something. It's easier for everyone, and also like... don't tell me you don't have the skills or knowledge to figure this out, I've seen people who otherwise devour game wikis or who can recite rocketry wikipedia from memory whine about how hard it is to learn and change.
and while we're at it, touch less grass. It's clearly not helping.
If you think this post is about you: it totally is.
The framing I've heard for this kind of idea is basically "this isn't your fault but it is your responsibility"
An essay I wrote in 2020
A sincere guide by me, marginalized neurodivergent person.
Oh no! You were trying to ask a genuine question of someone, or sincerely compliment them, or ask for clarification on something confusing, or simply making a statement, and they told you that you were being bigoted!
They may be wondering how you missed such an obvious fact, why you ignored such blatant signs that it was shitty to say, why you thought it was ok to say such a thing, or what the heck is wrong with you. Or maybe you're worried that they're thinking that.
But you missed the obvious fact because you don't pick up on things as fast as others do, or have a poor memory! Or you weren't ignoring signs, you just have trouble reading tone over text, or body language! Or you didn't actually think it was ok, but your mouth moved faster than your brain because of your poor impulse control, or activated state, or what have you! There's nothing wrong with you because of that, you're just neurodivergent!
What do you do? Oftentimes scripts for these situations are genuinely hard, and being told the same generic advice as neurotypical people can have you feeling lost or ignored.
Here's my take:
DO:
- Apologize. You may not think you did anything wrong, or that they misunderstood your intent, but impact means more than intent in cases where people say they're hurt. Especially if you have difficulties in regards to perception, such as reading tone of voice or facial expressions, your perception of events is likely very different to theirs, and as they're the hurt party, their perception should be respected.