even our (white) partner is trying to get us to cool down here, because it's starting to burn her out, but white people are not entitled to their comfort and our silence at their behest.
when we say we are tired of having our spirit abused, here are some examples of what we're talking about. the white impulse, as far as we've seen, is and will be, to read this, take it personally, and use this information as more evidence that their negative impressions of us are correct, and/but we speak out in an effort to break this fucking insidious double bind.
we think about how our abuelita could have had a career at the phone company, if her "accent wasn't too thick", and then we think about our interactions with the seattle phone museum, and we can't talk about this any further because it is too actively painful right now
couple days ago we were talking to another minority about a white woman.
the woman in question came in to center herself and her virtuousness and willingness to be called in
we told her in no uncertain terms that this was doubling down on the offensive behavior we were describing (being visibly dismissive of us while engaging favorably with a more-"model" minority, then barging into a conversation about her, to center herself!) and that she needs to reflect on that.
multiple other people, not involved at all with the conversation, or aware of the context, have seen fit to come in and defend the white woman against us, saying that the white woman needs to do no reflection, that we're being an asshole, that the woman's perceptions of herself are more correct than ours.
the woman in question offered to delete her offensive post, and we told her to not. what we did not tell her (and perhaps should have, but we were already risking enough engaging with her at all) was that her offer to delete it was, again, a microaggression, because it would allow her to (heh) whitewash her image by removing her contribution to an uncomfortable conversation.
thinking about the white trans woman who needed our help through at least two manic episodes and how her thanks to us was "alex, if i wanted to talk to a white guy pretending to be mexican, i'd go to my family" then, a week later, "help me do this spirit work".
we think about the series of white people who develop a problem with us, refuse to communicate it to us directly, and then very suddenly cut off the friendship.
we think about how our white partner has people pull similar sudden disconnections on her, but in all those cases, the person who cut her off tried to reach out within a month, with offers of repair.
this has never once happened to us. once someone has come to this kind of irreconcilable difference with us, it is always on us to reach out, over years, always having to work against the grain, in a system wherein the white people conspire amongst themselves to avoid ever fucking talking about what we have to say.
we recognize a standard litany of excuses coming from white people here! come the fuck on!
and now i guess now we get to also think about the white trans woman who spent over a decade latched onto us, apparently (from our perspective) for access to our power and our social network or something, all that time somehow apparently expecting someone of our nature to become more passive and softer over time???? and then (again, apparently, to us) when she can't think of any more excuses for sucking up to us, what breaks her silence, gets her to reach out, and empty her full white-fragility diaper on us, cutting through and poisoning over 10 years of of our timestream over the course of a couple hours that bled into weeks, and making it our fault that the water's nasty and it smells like shit in here:
the thing that breaks her silence is that her notion that we were the disrespectful, entitled incel who is always hostile and vying for superiority, and totally unable to resolve a single conflict ever. this is what finally overcame whatever was holding her back: her need to pathologize us, and to say that we probably have a mental illness, and should not be viewing our social problems and white behavior and white culture as covert societally-acceptable racism against us.
and then trying to get everyone around her to stop talking about it because of something about feelings — we are talking about actions leading to harm here, because this systemic behavior produces racist gatekeeping, and it's always got to be about the white woman's trauma and feelings