fuck, I'm just glad I didn't come out right before the pandemic
"dear anyone who's listening, please, i just want people to not see my face until i can do something about it, i don't want to be in public until HRT has had time to do some more"
and then the finger on the monkey paw would curl and we'd have covid and i would spend the rest of my life going "i couldn't possibly be responsible for this... right?"