Sometimes it's healthier to give up on goals to overcome your problems because the problems are just so strong that you're only hurting yourself by trying. Even if the goal is something simple for everyone else, when it's too hard for you that's reason enough to find a different goal.
I have to work on proving to myself that the times I was cast aside and forgotten don't matter. It's the people who love and like me now who are the only ones I need to concern myself with. My trauma repeating over and over in the past in new ways doesn't mean shit to now. Even if it was my fault like that voice keeps screaming, I'm a different person. I keep changing and growing and the people I meet are different too.
Been confronting all this stuff a lot more lately, and it's fucking painful but I think it's getting somewhere.