Autumn in Winter

Tried to make today the day I overcome my social anxiety to accomplish any one of my goals its keeping me from. All I've accomplished instead is a lot of crying.

Does anyone else feel intense anxiety as physical pain? I really don't know how common that is.

I stirred in my sleep a few times last night, feeling so cold despite a very warm blanket. I just woke up drenched in sweat. So I burned through a fever last night.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't sick. This seems like it was a stress fever, a thing that happens to me sometimes when I guess I get so emotionally overwhelmed that my body thinks I've caught something that it tries to burn out. Oddly, it kinda works, I feel none of the pain and anxiety I did yesterday. Sleeping helps, sure, but not typically this much.

Am a bit dehydrated though.

Tried to make today the day I overcome my social anxiety to accomplish any one of my goals its keeping me from. All I've accomplished instead is a lot of crying.

Does anyone else feel intense anxiety as physical pain? I really don't know how common that is.

I think I'm an extravert.

Wait, hear me out!

Okay, so I've been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (and boy is it strong) and I'm almost certainly on the autism spectrum. That just makes being social difficult. Stressful. Physically painful. Panic inducing.

BUT! I also desperately crave social interaction. I feel starved for approval pretty much constantly (and boy does social media not feed that with my inability to pull engagement). The thing that makes me feel best in the world is making other people happy.

So, this is a deadly fucking combo! It sucks! I desperately wish to be perceived while being terrified of being perceived! But when anime girls are like that people love it, so maybe there's hope for me??