𝔞𝔷𝔲𝔯𝔢𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔢 𝔤𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔬𝔩𝔶𝔫 𝔨𝔬𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔤𝔞𝔫 🕷️🍂

wake at 6pm

get up to pee; get stuck on the toilet for an hour because i am too weak to stand

theyfriend shows up with food; we sit on floor for two hours, eating and watching netflix eva dub

this drains me enough that i need to lie down; need to be carried back to bed

and i just keep coughing

...

lying here, crying. they ask if i need anything more right now.

"just rest," i say. "sitting and eating and watching a tv show is too much for me."
they scooch down to kiss my temple. "don't judge yourself," they say.

i'm... still not used to a lack of judgment. from inside or out. from anyone.