feeling weirdly proud and validated that i have now had twice as many different dicks in my ass (and thrice as many in in my mouth) as my predecessor had any sort of sexual partner.
...
that's if we count coerced and unwanted relationships/contact, which we really shouldn't and otherwise normally i don't. i'm not responsible for what was done to me. if it's not consensual it's not sex.
but that's the whole reason why these milestones mean anything to me.
the achievements, if that's how we think of them, are arbitrary and shifting, but to me they speak to my progress in reclaiming myself on my own terms, sort of negating or compensating for past violation and existential scarring.
outside my trauma, statistics like these are meaningless and probably weird to keep track of or celebrate. but i still feel like i have a lot of work to do in asserting who i am and who i want to be. in finishing the basic project of my recovery and catching up with my present.
there is some kind of a hazy threshold in my head that i can sense and will know when i hit it, of enough positive and affirming experiences of my own volition to zero out the gravity of the pain still warping my relationship to myself and others and the world that i live in.
i still have a lot of azuring to do, before i am fully mine in the way i want to be. and though i'm slowed considerably by my ever-worsening disabilities and the regular despair and grief they throw me into, i continue to make meaningful progress.
this year i fully mean to get the rest of the basic piercings azure should have by now. like, more are possible, but like snk i'll worry about future unplanned content updates once i've completed the project i've already set for myself.
also, i need to fix the rest of my name.
...
heck, my predecessor only even kissed three people in an amorous senseβtheir two long-term partners and a previous... confused friend situation.
for reference i've drunk twice as many friends' and lovers' cum in the last year.
and azurelore has only just barely begun.