every time i look into it, the more certain i am that i was born intersex by one or more measures.

like, at this point it would be easier to explain the last 45 years if we assume i do have some form of androgen insensitivity syndrome than to find a way to argue against it.

i mean there's an argument that gender-affirming hrt develops and sustains what would otherwise be described as an intersex biological configuration.

certainly after years of growth i've basically zero masculine tissue in my body and my current anatomy is a blend of gynomorphic and andromorphic structures...

i know that people sometimes don't like that argument, and feel it misunderstands the lived experience of takes something intrinsic away from those born with intersex bodiesโ€”even those who didn't know it until much later in life. and, okay. i'm not getting into purity politics. ain't relevant here.

my point is that regardless of whether my profoundly necessary medical interventions do or do not render my body intersex in and of themselves, i am certain beyond reasonable doubt that it was intersex from the startโ€”which would in turn help to inform why it has taken so well to those interventions. like, the hrt ain't really fighting against anything here. it's simply filling a biological void.

flipping the conversation around, to the extent that i could be described as trans, it's really just a matter of my body hurting for a lack of an ability to produce the amount of estrogen that it wants, paired with a total lack of interest in testosterone to the extent that any level feels like poison.

so once i realized what was happening, i sought to treat the problem by giving my body what it needed to function correctlyโ€”carefully supporting its existing, seemingly intersex, structure instead of trying to force it into behavior that had only ever resulted in suffering.

until four years ago i had never really experienced a meaningful puberty to speak of. it's like my body just gave up and sat on its hands when presented with the wrong juiceโ€”refused to give the juice served more than a reluctant sip, then gagged and made a face, and chose to just go thirsty instead.

it's like my overall biology is as autistic and stubborn as my mind, and when given so very clearly an incorrect assignment to complete, it instead chose to wait an extra 30 years on the off chance that eventually someone would give it the resources to do things "right." ๐Ÿ˜†

then it just ran with it.


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