god, talking hurts so much now

it's never been easy for me; i can write fine, even when most of my other mental faculties are gone, but speech has never come to me naturally

now, though, it's more than an effort; my stomach cramps from the strain, bile rises to my throat, my forehead pounds, my fingers and lips go all pins and needles, i see flashes as darkness creeps in on my vision, every part of my body becomes too heavy for me to lift

that's on top of the basic frustrated confusion and disorientation and dissociation always that come when i'm asked to catch and project and translate thoughts to and from the real-time physical space around me

speech is exhausting, and i avoid it when i canβ€”but this is another level of difficulty; it never used to hurt me this much.


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