Phosphor [&]

Not my post, but a headmate's who doesn't have (or care for) her own Cohost page. I'm crossposting it here with her permission and with plans to maybe add my own commentary on it later because it gets at something I keep distressedly mouthing at younger plurals from the back row

We took a long hiatus from the plural community over five years ago, and instead we spent our time in open-minded, interest-based spaces such as fandom and gaming servers. During that time, we chose who to grow closer to based upon personality rather than identity.

In other words, we became much more selective about who to invest our time and energy into, and we befriended people not because they had identities in common with us, but because they possessed traits that we saw as desirable. They were people who were calm; assertive about their boundaries without being aggressive; self-aware; prioritized thoughtfulness and compassion over having the Right Discourse Opinions; other traits that we felt were foundational to respectful, fulfilling friendships, and that we admired and wished to cultivate in ourselves.

We have moved on from many of those spaces, but many of those people are still part of our innermost circle to this day. We have met many of them in-person, and we also live with some of them with mutual plans to do so indefinitely. Some of these people were plural, but many were not.

It was one of the best decisions that we have made for ourselves. It is certainly possible to form such connections within the plural community, but we feel that limiting oneselves to only plural communities and only fellow plurals puts oneselves at a severe disadvantage. As others have already mentioned, many plural communities are immature or toxic. Even in more mature communities, it is much harder to connect when there is only a shared identity and no shared interests; hence, the large number of dead servers, or servers where the same topics are retread over and over and over.

- V