Phosphor [&]

Actually, I might as well start copying other reddit posts I/we've made and liked over here.

Someone on reddit asked about whether there were any "high powered career plurals" they could talk to, as they were new to being plural, afraid, and thought that having some role models would help them with healing. So I responded...

We (well, mostly I) have been working as a software engineer at a large corporation for the last few years. Got lots of raises, promotions, praise, a reputation for being a one-person army (hah)... you know the drill.

That all sounds impressive on paper, but the truth is, it came at a massive personal cost. There have been weeks where we've not had a life outside of work. We've gotten up, gone right to our computer, and stayed there until midnight. We've developed health issues that we didn't have before and have had several private breakdowns. And oh, the resent. We like our coworkers and enjoy writing code for its own sake, but we're ever aware that the whole economic system is rotten. The fact that we have to subject ourselves to "a demanding career" to not only keep ourselves but the people we love off the streets, the fact that there are wonderful people doing more important work than ours who are struggling to make ends meet, because mainstream society doesn't consider them worthwhile... it incenses us.

If you want a role model, don't use career success as your main metric. A career is a fragile, fragile thing to base your selves-esteem on. I won't deny that having an income and a schedule can help a lot with your mental stability and with getting access to healthcare. The means still should not be mistaken for the ends. Many of the people who were instrumental to our healing - who were our own role models - were people who were making min wage or less. These were people who were patient, thoughtful, and compassionate, and they taught us more than any school or job ever did. It's because of their support that we got this job, and it's because of them that we're able to keep holding it, despite everything.

So, if you want to heal, that's my recommendation. Look for people like them - in and out of the plural community. In all walks of life, not just the most "respectable" ones. Learn about the things that make you a good person, not simply a good worker.