Phosphor [&]

This is a thing I wrote elsewhere for someone who was having trouble communicating with any of their headmates (they'd all gone quiet all of a sudden). Hopefully this is helpful to someone? Always interested in more insight about this experience.

Ah yeah, the dreaded silent period. I know this is easier heard than believed, but this is actually a very common experience. Usually the explanation we hear is that a lot of stuff happened recently and people are taking a rest - or the brain is making everyone take a rest - but it's rarely permanent in any case.

Still! It can be an unsettling one, and it's not fun to kind of wait around hoping folks will be back sooner than later. So, in the meantime:

You mentioned still being able to feel their presence, even if you can't talk to them at the moment. Try kind of leaning into that presence and... nonverbally communicating through it, for lack of a better word? Like if y'all are able to transmit emotions through it, you can sort of send each other love and reassurance. If it's more like a quasi-physical sensation, kind of imagine like you're leaning against each other, like if you and a physical friend were huddled together, back to back.

You can also sort of make a “dropbox” where you can leave stuff that you want to share with them while they were away. It can be like, a folder on your computer full of memes for them to browse when they get back, or even an internal, symbolic one in headspace where you kind of leave thoughts and memories that you want them to look at. The idea is kind of similar to leaving memes in the DMs of a friend who's super busy with life atm, where you might not be able to talk with them back and forth right now, but you're still making room for them in your life and showing them that.

Also, for whenever they get back, here's some stuff that I wrote elsewhere, for a headmate who was frustrated and afraid about going through a silent period and feeling weak because of it:

That being said: dormancy can still be bothersome! It can be unsettling to fall asleep while your body and outer life are still going on, and even if you know you'll wake up at some point, it's frustrating to miss out on things. So, if you don't want that, valid!

The good news is, there are things you can do to kind of stabilize your presence. Don't focus on having body control right now. Instead, try to find things to comment on throughout the day. Have opinions, even if those opinions aren't heard by anyone outside. Have conversations, even silly ones. Make it a habit to say good morning and good night to each other. Wear something on your shared body that's associated with you.

It is going to feel weird. You might wonder if it's "really' you or if it's all being made up. Ignore the urge to fixate on how it feels. Try not to engage with anxieties about "faking." Focus on building the habit of being conscious. You might not always have the energy to be aware. You might space out for hours at a time, like you were "forgotten" about by the brain. That's normal. Just pick up where you left off.

If this sounds like stuff from the tulpamancy community... that's because it is! The secret is that this kind of being-conscious habit-building isn't just good for making headmates - it's also good for improving awareness and communication for existing folks. A lot of the online plural community spreads this misconception that systems of different kinds cannot possibly have anything in common, but in actuality, there have been pre-existing systems, even disordered and diagnosed ones, who've been part of the community for years for exactly this reason. A lot of stuff that some folks assume is immutable in plurality can actually be gradually trained one way or another - and presence is one of them, if you can avoid fretting and focus on the habit.

Hope this helps! Sorry that it's been a rough few days.