true to the disaster queer stereotypes, here are my phases of realizing I Like someone in That Way
- "I enjoy this person's company a lot. being with them is fun!"
- "oh man but like, I really like this person a lot! they're so sparkly and fascinating and I could spend HOURS listening to them and they lift my spirits by just existing and aaaaa"
- "this person's presence has become a highlight of my daily life, I am constantly looking forward to the next time we hang out and I get all kinds of giddy to get a message from them. maybe I mope a little when we're not together. maybe I daydream about the next time we'll be together. this is a totally normal way to feel about someone."
- (I consider the idea that I may be attracted to them for about a millisecond before punting it into the void and forgetting about it)
- "why does thinking about this person hurt. why... does the pain feel GOOD?!"
- "...oh."
- *ANGRY SCREAMING AND SWEARING*
- "maybe if I sit really still and really quiet these
scaryIrrational And Inconvenient Feelings will go away" - I get tired of sitting really still and really quiet and opt instead for the "ripping off the band-aid" approach, ergo outright telling the person that (a) I Like them, (b) I will not be offended if they do not return my feelings and do not expect them to do anything in return, and (c) everything can just be as it was before, unless they're uncomfortable in which case it's okay for them to put distance between us
I'd like to think that as far as disaster queerness goes, this is one of the more well-adjusted reactions, even if there are multiple stages of grief involved (me @ my brain: "ruined a perfectly good friendship is what you've done! look at it, it's got FEELINGS")
(fallen london stamps by