(fallen london stamps by conversation with a friend got me thinking about internal nonhumanity again, and I've never really talked about my experience of it here so I might as well take the opportunity to ramble
basically whenever I make a post like "humans are so adorable, I wish I could hold them in my hands and tell them how much I love them" it's not a bit, just an unfiltered thought from my brain, which just takes for granted concepts like "not a human" and "existed before this life and will continue to exist after"
my feelings on humanity, despite everything, are actually generally very positive!! but those feelings often come from a place of being outside humanity. of being an observer, or a tourist. I get smashingly depressed about the idea that humans might fuck up and wipe themselves out, but along with the usual "I don't want to experience that and I don't want others to experience that" feelings there are "but humans are so unique and so delightful and I can't STAND the idea of a universe without them, there will be a hole in my soul forever if they die out" feelings
and it's like... not something that I am consciously making myself think. sometimes I go a little wtf at them myself. but there they are regardless.
me, casually producing thoughts at 3 in the morning like "I love this world but it's so much, I'm looking forward to taking a break after this lifetime" and "I'm really invested in this world though, I wonder if I have enough in me to go for another human life"