(fallen london stamps by thinking about gender, namely how I feel about guys
I've mentioned before that my attractions lean towards women/non-women with a strong dash of femininity in their genderness, particularly those who fuck with gender. I look at those folks and go "ough" (complimentary) but I have no desire to be them and am unable to comprehend myself as one of them.
with guys/masc-leaning folks, there's a different feeling. there's still a particular draw I feel towards them, which I mistook for romantic/sexual attraction when younger because that's what society likes to explain EVERY feeling an AFAB person has towards a guy as. but it's like... more a kind of wistfulness, actually? like envy if there wasn't any meanness or resent behind it. a sort of pained familiarity. "those are my folks! it brings me joy to see more people like me! I should be with them. I wish I could be with them." the Victorian gender orphan pressing against the glass