Michaela Sue

Huh, my right boob, which is normally the rounder, less-pointy one, is especially pointy today. As I mentioned earlier, I'm feeling some pretty apparent hormonal effects currently and the breasts certainly respond to hormonal changes, but it's usually not quite so visible. It's always fun to look down and see, oh, things are going on today.

Well, today sure very much is one of those days when I have lots of weird feelings all the time and and am randomly at the edge of tears and stare into space a lot, which would be way weirder if it hadn't been happening surprisingly predictably every four weeks for some months now since starting on estrogen.

I was injecting estradiol into my belly and realized I was looking past my boobs to do this and thought, huh, I guess this stuff really does work!

Huh. Twelve years ago I wrote a Livejournal post about something I'd always experienced, asking if anyone else did too:

Lying in bed at night, settled and still, the most prominent sensation (given that there aren't many) is the beating of my heart, and the sensation of my pulse around my body. I always find the sensation of the pulse interesting. It's not simultaneous throughout the body and when you start pondering the actual hydraulic delay from heart to feet and then the nerve delay from feet to brain and then contemplate how the brain heavily processes our perceptions of time and simultaneity I can lie there thinking about it for a long time. These are the things on my mind in the evening.

Anyway, funny thing is, one year ago I started taking estrogen and immediately this sensation of my pulse nearly disappeared!¹ I just generally started feeling just somehow calmer and more relaxed than ever before, could fall asleep faster and easier, but this specific change was pretty obvious and also I can actually describe it.

1. heart rate varies and sometimes I do feel it but it's no longer just what lying down feels like