Year like, 15 of my disabled life, and I now realize that an appropriate word of what I had to do is 'fallow'. like a field. I had to stop trying to grow and just let things rot so I could rest and recover and see what I could some day plant and cultivate.
that trying to grow just meant I diminished myself further. I had to stop, even if it was so painful and frustrating, and let things fade until I could plant and cultivate what wouldn't destroy me further, once I had recovered enough.
