fuck it. tiny amplifier
edit: it's video time (360p until youtube decides to finish transcoding but i don't feel like waiting that long)
I decided an internal speaker would make this the belle of the ball, so I went to goodwill and found one of those horrible little folding ipod-styled-but-no-ipod-plug speaker systems and a power supply. cut it up, hot glued it into the chassis, wired the power supply cable straight into the ATX adapter, and would you believe it sounds like about a hundred bucks? I am honestly astonished.
It's loud as hell, and since there's a gap between the keyboard and chassis, sound from the upwards-firing speaker splats into that and squirts out the sides. Maybe the chassis is also acting as a resonator? Don't know don't care, sounds better than it has any right to. Extremely pleased with this outcome.
I wish I had a better way to mount these things but honestly hot glue is spiritually correct for a gross hack. If it was good, it wouldn't be bad, and we can't have that.
Now I'm just left with one problem that needs to be overcome: The caps in the VRMs are almost certainly bad. The screen wobbles horribly any time the machine is busy, and I tried moving a folder earlier and it wobbled the video so bad that my monitor lost sync for 40 seconds. I'm not sure if damage is in the cards here if I keep running it this way but it's certainly not ideal, so it'll have to be Dealted Withed.
heehee transcoding