beth (defunct)

Mech Pilot who is always open to explore the variety of practical applications that the nuclear reactor installed in their Mechs power plant has to offer.

By Keisuke Shimizu

My name is Keisuke Shimizu. I am a pilot on the battle cruiser King Cesar. I fly an MG-class combat mech. I am a very good pilot. Mechs are important equipment. Captain Kanagusuku says that while the bond between a mech and their pilot is important, we must remember that they are weapons and very dangerous and should not be used for anything other than combat. I used my mech for things other than combat. Captain was not happy. Captain said verbal warnings are not enough and she's trying a new approach. Captain is making me write this essay and putting it in the ship newsletter. I am very sorry for not following the rules. I am not good at writing things. I will not break the rules again. I am sorry for not listening. I am not allowed to do any of these things anymore:

• sleep in my mech
• eat anything in my mech
• drink anything in my mech
• any of the last things while on standby
• any of those things during active combat
• sippy cups and "camelbak" backpacks aren't an exception, even if they don't make a mess
• keep pets in my mech
• keep "copilots" in my mech, animals do not count as copilots as they have not passed the qualifying exams or taken the required training as per navy standards
• dogs cannot go to flight school or pilot a mech, and are not allowed inside my mech
• neither can cats, donkeys, bees, wasps, yellow jackets, weasels, weevils, horses, sea cucumbers, most fish, rabbits, hares, jackalopes, antelopes, gazelle, raccoons (surprising), hyenas, tapirs, hedgehogs, porcupines, or armadillos, and are not allowed inside my mech
• birds can pilot mechs, but would outrank me and I do not have the training to copilot for a bird, so they are not allowed in my mech because it's mine even though the captain says they'd be "less of a liability."
• monkeys can pilot mechs, but are not very good at it, and are not allowed in my mech
• lizards can pilot mechs, but they need to pass the qualifying exams and training, and I do not have the money for lizard flight school, so they are not allowed in my mech
• sell parts of my mech to put my Asian Water Monitor through flight school
• sell any part of my mech, period
• "rent" any part of my mech
• sell "Mech Rides" to put my monitor through flight school
• sell "Mech Rides" for any reason
• offer "Mech Rides" for free
• put a basketball hoop on my mech
• use my mech as a field goal for American Football
• use my mech as a goal for regular football
• "soccer" is still regular football
• use my mech's floodlights to make shadow puppets. I do not understand this one but the captain was very worried
• use my mech's floodlights to cook food or pop popcorn
• use my mech's floodlights to "prank" other pilots for social media videos, the sick bay is tired of putting in new eyes
• post about my mech on social media
• post on social media
• use my mech's floodlights while on the ship or in the flight bay
• use my mech's floodlights to prank people while in space (still counts)
• use the nuclear core to pop popcorn
• use the nuclear core to cook hot dogs
• use the nuclear core to cook anything
• reheating food counts as cooking
• even if reheating doesn't count as cooking which the captain says "is, in all fairness, a gray area," I am still not allowed to use the nuclear core for it
• sell food I cooked with the nuclear core to put my monitor through flight school
• sell food I cooked on the nuclear core for any reason
• sell food, period. I don't know why the captain made me put this on the list, as it isn't related to my mech
• use the nuclear core to dry clothes when there's plenty of free dryers
• use the nuclear core to dry clothes even when there AREN'T dryers free
• use the nuclear core to create plasma without safety equipment
• use the nuclear core to create plasma WITH safety equipment
• use the nuclear core to experiment on different marijuana plants to see if i can produce new strains
• use the nuclear core for anything related to marijuana
• use the nuclear core to charge phosphorescent materials (glow in the dark)
• use the nuclear core as a heatlamp for Kishida, my copilot, when the cruiser gets cold
• Kishida the monitor lizard is not my copilot, as he has not yet gone to flight school
• use the nuclear core to recharge my visor
• use the nuclear core to recharge my phone
• use the nuclear core to recharge my hardsuit
• use the nuclear core to recharge my best friend's phone
• use the nuclear core to recharge Kishida's enrichment tablet
• use the nuclear core to recharge any personal affects of any crew member
• use the nuclear core to recharge the backup flashlights, captain says this is "just lazy"
• use the nuclear core to melt nylon straps together for net repair
• use the nuclear core to melt anything but my enemies
• refer to defeating combatants as "melting my enemies faces off with my sick atomic moves"
• use the nuclear core to power a blender to make and smell smoothies for the Kishida education fund
• use the nuclear core to power a blender to make and sell slushies for the Kishida Education fund
• use the nuclear core to power a blender to make and sell margaritas for the Kishida Education Fund
• use the nuclear core for any reason to sell any beverages
• distribute alcohol from my mech for any reason without a liquor distribution license
• distribute alcohol from my mech even if I somehow DO acquire a liquor distribution license
• use the nuclear core for anything involving food or beverage prep, including but not limited to baking, shaking, grilling, bartending, sous-vide, boiling, steaming, refrigerating, aerating, churning, stretching (taffy), cotton candy production, fondue, clambakes, bake sales, bake robberies, bake communes, and anything that involves ingestibles
• use the nuclear core to work on my tan
• use the nuclear core to set up a tanning booth
• use the nuclear core for Nuclear Engineering homework, even if I am enrolled in "online courses"
• use the nuclear core for experiments on any living thing
• use the nuclear core for experiments on any non-living but arguably sapient thing
• use the nuclear core to power a homemade railgun
• rail rifles count as railguns
• rail sidearms count as railguns
• rail shotguns not only count as railguns, but are so impractical as to be useless that I am banned from making any rail-based weapons
• a sword with a railgun in it counts as a railgun (captain's emphasis)
• use the nuclear core to power any homemade weapon
• use the nuclear core to power any weapon not approved for my mech
• put a sphere of sensors around the nuclear core of my mech and use the data to make a noise album
• put a sphere of sensors around the nuclear core of my mech and run a lottery/gambling game off of guessing which sectors will get the most particles in a 24-hr period
• put a sphere of sensors around the nuclear core of my mech and try to manipulate the limbs and systems of the mech to try and draw a smiley face
• put a sphere of sensors around the nuclear core of my mech for any reason
• put LEDs around the nuclear core of my mech and tell the maintenance crew "I think there's some cherenkov radiation help"
• put LEDs anywhere in my mech for any reason
• use non-approved paints on my mech, as these are often flammable. the maintenance crews are tired of putting out the flight bay
• use approved paints to paint flames on the side of my mech. it does not make it "go faster"
• same goes for racing stripes
• paint pictures of sexy ladies on the side of my mech
• paint pictures of sexy men on the side of my mech
• paint pictures of sexy anyone or anything of any gender or species on my mech
• paint pictures of myself on my mech
• paint skulls on my mech
• paint unflattering portraits of the captain on my mech
• paint flattering portraits of the captain on my mech
• paint portraits of Kishida on my mech
• Kishida is permitted to commission a portrait of himself on the mech, provided he does not commission me second or third party, but that won't happen because we need the money for flight school
• I am not allowed to paint anything on my mech, and I am to attend remedial art classes for the next six months
• pose naked with my mech for a 12-month calendar
• pose naked with my mech for an 18-month calendar
• pose naked with my mech for a page-a-day calendar
• pose naked with my mech for OnlyPilots
• I am to remain clothed at all times on the cruiser, save in my private quarters and the medical bay
• I am to remain clothed in the medical bay unless asked by a medical professional to undress
• I feel like a lot of these are not related to my mech and I don't know why the captain told me I had to write some of these down
• I am not to question the captain on how I am being disciplined
• use the nuclear core to power a guitar amplifier
• use the nuclear core to power a bass guitar amplifier
• use the nuclear core to power any sort of PA system
• I am to review both the national anthem and the anthem of the navy and am prohibited from playing any instrument or perform any music until I know both by heart
• use the nuclear core to bake PCBs
• use the nuclear core to melt solder for any reason
• use the nuclear core for anything other than powering my mech
• use my mech to take Kishida to his first day of flight school, or any subsequent day
• even if it would be cute
• prevent or interfere with Kishida's promotion and duties should he be found to be a more competent and professional pilot than me

signed by both Keisuke Shimizu, MG-class pilot, and Captain of the King Cesar Saeko Kanagusuku. dated stardate 4005019740321