I wish I felt better about it!
I'm not even talking about the regular baby-bitch anxieties about aging - honestly, I've felt middle-aged since I was in my teens, the number simply going up doesn't really hold any terrors for me. It's just that, between developing GERD and a frighteningly-persistent lower back injury, my 34th year was probably the worst I've ever had in terms of physical health. Over the course of a year, I feel like I went from a very-physically-active massage therapist with a body I was pretty proud of to a Dude With A Condition And A Bad Back, despite fighting it as hard as I possibly could.
The GERD, at least, is pretty much under control and barely affects my life as long as I stay on top of my meds for it. The only negative is that lying flat on my back for a couple hours makes my throat/chest start to hurt, so I've had to get used to sleeping on my side. The other thing is that I haven't had any kind of alcohol in a calendar year, which anyone will tell you is much more a plus than a minus.
The lower back is a Problem, however. Issues with it started all the way back in March - as the pattern goes, I'll tweak it doing something innocuous at work or while exercising, I'll reduce my activity levels temporarily and then slowly build them back up, only for the injury to be re-aggravated every few weeks. Sometimes the pain is merely an uncomfortable setback that keeps me from sitting at my computer for too long, on occasion it's so painful that standing/walking are extremely difficult. For the past few months I've been wearing a back brace to protect myself from reinjury while at my massage therapy day job, and it's been very effective at that - at the cost of making work WITHOUT the brace very tiring/difficult.
I've had several sessions with a very good physiotherapist that I THOUGHT were helping (to the point that I was officially discharged a month ago), but after a new string of painful setbacks I'm essentially back to where I was when I first started seeing him. I can't keep paying for physio out of pocket, it adds the fuck up real quick. I'm seeing him again tomorrow to discuss a new plan going forward, one that might include taking several months of leave from my day job in the new year. At this point I've essentially lost faith in my body's ability to recuperate from this back injury, from my physically-demanding day job, and regular exercise all at the same time. Which stinks!
Seven months of reoccurring back pain really takes it out of you, man. I feel like I've lost the ability to move carelessly, which doesn't SOUND like much, until you realize how much mental energy it saps having every major move you make be deliberate. And it definitely hasn't helped my overall satisfaction at work, I tell you what. It really sucks when it's flared-up and I can't spend as much time as I'd like at my PC, also - particularly when so many of my sidelines and hobbies revolve around it.
34 wasn't all doom and gloom, obviously. I had my first-ever full game release on Steam, Itch, and even GOG. I also released my first-ever comic! I have several other fun creative projects on the go, all at various stages of done-ness. I read a lot of good books and played a lot of good games. I've been having a blast posting and reading posts on this website (Cohost dot org). I deepened several friendships and terminated others. I've worked with some really wonderful artists and writers. I've managed, as far as I'm aware, to avoid contracting COVID (knock on wood). I've even gotten several very nice reviews written about me on my clinic's Google reviews page in spite of me being the one hardass RMT who makes his patients wear masks. I'm proud that I've done as much as I've done, in spite of some pretty significant roadblocks.
I just wish it were easier! I know I'm not alone in wishing this - pretty much everyone I know is having a hard time right now, which feels pretty bad to think about in its own right.
Anyways, happy birthday to me! If you'd like to help me positively mark the occasion:
- Those links to my game and comic up there aren't just for show! I genuinely treasure each and every sale these days, and if you want to leave a rating/review, that'd be extremely cool
- If you're an artist and have played Opportunity, read Tits Detective, (or even played the As Above/So Below demo), then I'd love to see fanart of your favorite character(s)! I honestly love fanart so much and I'd love to get some for my projects
- I am not above receiving general compliments on the quality of my posts/other good qualities
Thank you for reading! Sorry that so much of this post was Complaining, but you can think of that as my birthday gift to myself (along with the copy of Yamatogawa's Witchcraft I ordered for myself on Ebay last week).