• she/her, they/them, sie/sie/ir, ask

dyke, poetess, games writer, &cet.

wow! this lesbian can pierce space and time!


if you can see this,
you have permission to message me on discord

bigstuffedcat
@bigstuffedcat

had a dream about like,,, a world where a bunch of people are on like a game show / video game / Hunger Games Media Something where whenever someone hits you, you "die" for twice as long (15 minutes the first time, 30 minutes the second time, 1 hour the third time, &cet). and like there was the broader mystery of how and why and who and stuff which we uncovered, but mostly the thrill of that game. i experienced two perspectives, one where i was a competitor and one where i was watching my friend pat doing a hermitcraft-style "everyone makes a youtube video about the past week ingame" with some famous Pokemon youtubers (pat is not a Pokemon youtuber).

anyway dream memory is so cool. like there were callbacks that made me go "oh ok i remember seeing that and being really confused but now that makes perfect sense". did i actually experience it that way? who knows, it is well known that world-time is not clock-time and I would believe that my worldmaking brain gave me the experience of remembering a chronology that didn't happen. i saw [ridiculous dream image]* and it was bizarre, but it made uncannily perfect sense later-- was that was it because emergent improv can make perfect sense, or because there was a world-making part of my brain separate from the world-experiencing part that had it all planned out, or because concepts just click like that when you go along the lines of a similar words dictionary, or because i have a memory of the chronology that doesn't correspond with the order in which i experienced things in the dream (if such a thing even exists... i think it does, yeah?)

dreams. fucked up


bigstuffedcat
@bigstuffedcat

also idk if this is a common experience but in dreams i will consciously go

"and then this happened"
(pause)
"no that's nonsense, it makes better story / sense if this happened"

and only after i wake up do i go "wait why did i accept that i had that much control over the universe"


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in reply to @bigstuffedcat's post:

* this is in the comments because i've heard it a faux pas to describe your dreams in detail. but the specific image here was "people in turtle suits". when i first saw it i was like "what the fuck" (and a tiny part of me knew it was a dream, so i was like "what kind of dreams bullshit--"). but later in the dream i learned that turtle suits meant "you died too many times and your timer that doubles every time you die has a respawn date that is longer than you should be expected to live**" this was very harmonious in my brain to the point of feeling preplanned, presumably because of the concept association between turtles and venerability, and that between turtles and slowness.

** in this universe there was a Karel Capek short story where he calculates the "death-day" of a robot, and there was a meeting in this Hungergames-style free-for-all where they showed us a table with our deathdays calculated using the method in that novel-- which is an aesthetic way of saying "yeah once your timer gets to like, several years, you become a permanent spectator". questions like "was it fair?" or "so how long was the timer there?" or "so let's say it happened when your timer was a year... six months was fine, then?"... all reasonable questions, but this is a dream and i didnt ask them