rereading @shel's writings on lashon hara, and they are absolutely nourishing. i've always hated shit-talkers and usually quickly disassociate with any in my life. but right now, between work and meeting the other side of the polycule, there are like three ba'alei lashon hara in my life right now, any of which on their own could make my life a living hell.
also god i wish we lived in a world where i could explain to a cis HR dude that recreational shit-talking is a trans autistic issue specifically. and i wish the traditional advice for what to do with a recreational shit-talker weren't "run the hell away", because i can't just run from my job or urge my partners/metamours to hit da bricks, because right now we live under capitalism