"As best we can tell, ancient north americans took their largest shits, requiring their most powerful rolls of paper, in these larger bathrooms, which they called 'kitchens'. Archeologists have long been perplexed by the lack of toilets in most kitchens; we now believe that for the more well-off americans, the kitchen toilet was superseded by a large, electrically powered device typically plumbed in next to the kitchen sink. We believe the wire racks inside this powered supertoilet served some kind of ritual purpose."
In a display of what would come to be regarded by successor civilizations as characteristic american excess, each of these powered kitchen supertoilets featured not just a single bidet, but at least one rotating multi-armed assembly mounting several bidets each, warmed by a heating element for the americans' comfort.
