hanky code enforcement

i crave that rich chocolately bitterness coating my throat. i want my candy to taste like it's been routed through a civet's asshole, and i want it in a solid physical form that i have to bite and chew with my teeth instead of sipping from a cup that contains 277% of the recommended daily amount of sugar. i know we can have regular access to these disgusting little treats in america without going to world market if we believe hard enough