I think something that's not talked about enough probably because it's very obvious and yet maybe we all forget this is that it feels really bad when someone is rude to you—even when you know that person is wrong or overreacting. We talk a lot these days about the value of the honest real kind versus the fake shallow nice but I think there is a value to nice.
There is a value in pausing and thinking about what you're about to say and if the way you're saying it is unnecessarily hostile or aggressive. Not because you're a bad person for feeling that way or being transparent about how you feel. But because it's nice when people make that slight effort to be nice to each other. It feels bad when someone is unnecessarily rude or mean to you, and it's nice when people choose to keep some of that to themselves and instead phrase things a little more diplomatically or neutrally.
Obviously, as an Autistic person, I am not setting a high bar here for people to do lots of dancing around things and indirectness and mind-reading nonsense. But there's just such a big difference between the neutral-nice "Man, I'm disappointed that this library doesn't have Goncharov on Blu-Ray. Can you order that for me?" versus the rude "this piece of shit library doesn't even have Goncharov on Blu-Ray. Order it." It's communicating the same thing but honestly the tone is just such a big difference! Neither of these is "kind" they're both complaints followed by directives, but one of them just feels a lot better to be on the receiving end of!
A nice thing about being a librarian whose supervisor is a former bartender is we just treat the library like a bar. If someone is being hostile or rude to us, we just kick them out. We talk back and tell them "don't talk to me like that or I'm not ordering Goncharov on Blu-Ray." It's a free service, we don't need any individual person to borrow any individual item. But like, most other people don't have that option. Most workers don't get to talk back to customers or bosses or clients. Also, even outside of a work situation, it just sucks when someone in public is rude to you in an unnecessary way. Like, I had someone sarcastically call me "little miss sunshine" for having a flat affect and neutral face. It's just rude and mean. Leave me alone. What's your problem. Sheesh, y'know?
Anyway, not expecting everyone to have the best social skills or anything, and I really do value candor and honesty and such. I just think sometimes it's worth it to avoid cuss words in some contexts.
They are not mutually exclusive; you can, as shel says, do both.