donpachi -- your taste is refined, and laser-honed on the intersection of jank and genius. a bit of a hipster. you think about the old cave logo a lot
dodonpachi -- you asked someone which game to start with, and they wisely suggested DDP. your wings are likely yet to grow -- enjoy your metamorphosis, and don't forget to bomb!
esprade -- cousin of the donpachi enjoyer. a natural ally of the "air gallet" fan. your taste is broad, and builds bridges. you love dramatic final bosses
dangun feveron -- you salivate at the thought of telling stg heads that you don't really like CAVE. nothing wrong with that, but you'd better clear out of here before someone makes you actually play dangun feveron, kid
guwange -- yet more likely than the last person to be a non-cave STG person. so unconcerned with scoring that it's just fine that you can't understand the highscore board anyway. when life gives you ox carts, you get that beef bowl.
progear -- amidst a smorgasbord of violence and struggle, you said "I WANT TO GIVE MANY GEMS TO GIRLS TO BUILD MY LOVELY METER", and CAVE company limited answered the call. you are a pure soul twinkling in the dark. let's just say that music is... not important to you, right?
dodonpachi: dai ou jou -- why settle for anything less than the best? you like tier lists, and you like to see the stuff you like at the top of them. if you flew a STG plane in real life, it would probably have "#1" painted on the side. i'm terrified that you might even be able to back it up!
ketsui: kizuna jigoku tachi -- you used to frequent shmups forums. you dreamed of piloting the tiger schwert for years -- a dream so powerful that it yet stirs within you. go play a credit right now. your mission starts now. are you ready?
espgaluda -- you're not that good at STG but you love them anyway. a little bit of a "secondary", in the nicest possible way -- art, music, feel are just as important as mechanics and patterns to you. you love the ancient rave samples in the soundtrack
mushihimesama -- what is it you like? the brisk pace of original mode, the inimatable princess, the squelchy sounds, the beautiful bugs? i think you like that it's on Steam in particular
ibara -- you sweat the small stuff. a thoroughly detail-oriented person. in the anime of life, you are the technical adviser character smoking a ciggy who tells everyone the wattage of the particle cannons they're about to get shot by
espgaluda 2 -- sworn enemy of the espgaluda 1 fan. you wouldn't touch such an easy low-brow game with a barge pole. a rich soul who wants to fill the screen with gold. you care a lot about correct slowdown and input lag -- be careful that your insistence doesn't come across badly, though
ibara kuro -- cousin of the ibara fan, who prefers complexity in systems to complexity in level/boss design
pink sweets: ibara sorekara -- inscrutable cousin of the ibara fan, scholar of the deep jank. you like having to figure things out on your own, and you like a game that doesn't suffer fools gladly. impeccable music taste. yes i do know about suicide club.
mushihimesama futari -- you love the tension and pressure of the bullet cancel. you like efficiency, like when the train pulls into the station at exactly the correct minute. the naturalistic, ghibli presentation of mushifutari can't wick your extreme nerdiness away, but who cares?
muchi muchi pork -- you like resources in games. you are a Unrepentant Resource Hog. you like having ammo, lives and bombs almost as much as you like spending ammo, lives and bombs. nothing makes you happier in STG than using your massive stack to make an annoying boss eat shit and "buy" that 1cc
deathsmiles -- you have a very broad taste and like a lot of STG. console, arcade, doujin, you do it all. deathsmiles's design riffs on practically the entire genre, making it a top choice for a polymath like yourself.
dodonpachi daifukkatsu -- you could be of many skill levels, but regardless of skill level, scoring is a very important piece of the puzzle to you. you probably don't give a fuck what i have to say about you -- right on, buddy
deathsmiles 2 -- your response to deathsmiles was "this is all well and good, but i need you to dial up the doujin-ness to about 11". you'd probably have a heart attack if your family saw your music library
dodonpachi daifukkatsu black label -- your sole interaction with the genre is a youtube comment on the dfkbl ost going "bro this rules!!!!"
akai katana -- i'm supposed to say something like "huh? you exist?". but of course you should exist, this game is as beautiful as everything else. you probably got a real bee in your bonnet that nobody cared when it got C&D'd on MAME, everyone talking about saidaioujou instead
dodonpachi saidaioujou -- jaded veteran of a thousand machine wars. you feel more negative about this game than you perhaps should -- it's more or less the perfect swan song for arcade STG, after all, and a wonderful game if you can handle the spice level. chin up, buddy
gothic wa mahou otome -- あなたは日本人です。
uhh dude where's "puzzle uo poko" -- you are not funny! and people talk about you behind your back!