Do you happen to know texts about the politics of passing? Either written by others or you. I'm 6 months into HRT and my mind had been consumed by the thought of passing (in the most self destructive way). I feel reading about it from someone that is more familiar will soothe me
Andrea Long Chu can be spicy and controversial and says a lot of things that are like "don't say that in front of cis people!!" But I do feel like she's written some good stuff deconstructing normal trans narratives
What I'll say about passing as someone who mostly passes is that most cis women do not pass and the reason I pass is not because I'm pretty and fit all the western beauty standards but it's actually because I'm fat and people attribute any "non passing features" of mine to just me being a fat woman. Passing isn't about looking like Jessica Simpson it's about looking like a tired mom at Walmart buying store brand Frosted Flakes for her children. Most cis women feel terrible about not looking like a beautiful woman just as much as we do. The Sports Illustrated/Vogue/Essence models of womanhood are photoshopped. The collective imagined ideal of cis woman is not what anybody looks like and industries thrive on making you feel bad for not looking like that.
Most cis women grow facial hair, usually on their upper lip and side burns. Many grow neck hair too and can grow a full beard. When I don't shave, people just don't notice or look. They think I have PCOS or they honestly just don't think about it. Cis women pluck and wax to remove their facial hair. They even shave. It's an illusion.
Cis women also grow body hair. Again, they wax and shave to get rid of it because they're "not supposed to" but they absolutely do. Cis women also do things like get their brows waxed which is something I do and love. They go to nail salons. They do a lot of things to look "naturally" feminine in completely unnatural ways that cis women don't look like either. They're doing fishy drag realness too.
Cis women's faces don't look like that. That's what makeup looks like. If you want your voice to look like That, then wear makeup. But that's not the way their faces naturally look. A good skin care routine will also make your face look more like That.
Tons of cis women, especially the skinny ones, are very flat chested. A cups and B cups are very common and even C cups aren't going to look as big as the magazines make you feel they should be. Your boobs will be as big as your mother's and no more.
Skinny cis women don't tend to be curvy. That's why "curvy" is used as a euphemism for fat. The "hourglass figure" everyone covets is nigh impossible for anyone to achieve.
The main tells that you're trans are not going to be that you don't look like a supermodel. It's gonna be your voice, not dressing like cis women do (which honestly if you look at how most of them dress it's pretty low effort and lazy most of the time), and if you have a visible Adam's Apple that'll be a tell. With voices, remember that it's not about speaking high pitched it's about speaking feminine. Cher has a very deep voice but she still sounds feminine. With dressing, I think you should pursue dressing in the ways that make you happy regardless of if cis women dress that way. You can look even better than cis women. Just don't wear boy clothes and you'll be fine. People honestly will love that you have a unique style. I have no advice on Adam's apples because I don't have a visible one because of my neck fat.
Most of the time, if you're just confident in yourself and your womanhood and aren't comparing yourself to supermodels, you will look like a cis woman without much difficulty. You just won't look like a celebrity. Which nobody does. And nobody will notice or care. If you present yourself as a woman, nobody will have any reason to question that you're telling the truth. Most of the time, it's things like correcting people on pronouns that makes people think you're trans. Or wearing pronouns pins. Markers of trans culture. Even still, I do these things and I still pass plenty.
Which, like, sure it brings some benefits but it also isn't all it's cracked up to me. Transmisogyny sucks but so does misogyny. Passing just means you face a different flavor of the same beast. And cis women get read as trans all the time and deal with it too. We are more alike than we are different.
All of which is to say, once you have the voice down and have transitioned your wardrobe, you will be passing a lot more than you think you are. And it just won't feel as special as you think it will. Because you're holding yourself to the same insane standards as cis women get held to. Standards nobody ever meets and if they do they get elevated to being photoshopped supermodels because of it
