I bought an Asus eeeTouch, the worst conversion tablet I've ever seen, because it has an ExpressGate button and - despite ExpressGate being the specific keyword that was lodged in my brain for 20 years that caused me to go on this absurd rampage to begin with - I didn't actually have any machines with that specific instant-on Linux variant. But it turns out this is a DIFFERENT version than the Splashtop-based one I was looking for. it's called ExpressGate Cloud, and I've learned already that, within this sector, if there's a slightly different brand name, it means you're looking at a completely different underlying product bought from yet another who-the-fuck-are-these-clowns third party outfit, and oh yeah, oh baby, oh fuck yes you better believe this one is called

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