Starship pilot who is a very legitimate customs inspector and really does need to see the contents of your cargo hold immediately. Honest.
"S-So that's my cargo manifest, and as you can see everything is in order."
Luna was sweating bullets. She didn't know what it was about inspections, but just the idea that she might have accidentally messed something up and go to jail for it made her queasy.
"Ah, I don't need to read all that, girl. Just show me what you're hauling and we'll talk about what you're going to do with it, okay?"
The inspector clapped her on the back, and she squeaked. "Um. Okay?"
"Good girl."
This inspector was weird. She was very nice, but everything she said sounded scary somehow. It kind of reminded her of that one time Selene had gotten drunk while they were docked at Neptune and said some incredibly salacious things to her in a similar tone of voice before passing out at their table.
That... Wasn't a memory she needed right now. She was flustered enough.
"So um, this section is all iron ore, containers one through twenty-six."
"How wonderful. Next."
"Then these ones, twenty-seven through thirty-one, these are all, um, industrial air filters. It's- It's mostly all just stuff for the refinery." Luna explained.
"Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding here." The inspector said, putting her arm around Luna's shoulder.
"O-Oh. I'm sorry?"
"It's okay, pretty girl. I was unclear. I want you to show me the good stuff, yeah?"
"The... Good stuff?" Pretty girl???
"The secret stuff, babygirl. The illegal stuff."
Luna went pale.
"Nonono, I-I don't have-" She babbled, and the inspector's face fell.
"Ohh, babygirl, I don't like being lied to." She said. Her sly smile was gone, her relaxed posture replaced with that of a predator looming over her prey.
"I'm- I'm not-" Luna said, backing away.
"Do you know what happens to people who lie to me?"
Luna backed into the side of a shipping container, and the inspector slammed an open palm next to her head. She flinched at the impact, tears welling in her eyes.
"They... Go to jail?"
The inspector's ominous appearance cracked, a smile showing through. "They- What?"
She giggled. She laughed at her and Luna's face burned and she didn't understand what was going on.
"You- You still think-" The inspector struggled to speak between fits of laughter. "Oh, oh I had heard Selene liked to play house with easy marks, but holy shit girl you're like, actually stupid."
That made Luna mad. Was she too trusting? Maybe. Was she bad at social situations? Sure. But she was not stupid, and she did not like being laughed at, and she definitely didn't like how this girl talked about Selene. She balled her hands into trembling fists.
"Whew, okay, let's do this from the top, with no subtlety so you can follow- ghlk!"
Luna punched the fake inspector in her stupid throat and tackled her to the ground, raining blows upon her arms as she attempted to guard her face.
Luna was released from the security office after a few hours. The cameras corroborated that the now very bruised woman in the other holding cell had been posing as a customs officer to gain access to her ship.
Selene was waiting for her when she got out, and swept her into her arms.
"I'm sorry," She said, "This is my fault, I-I haven't been honest with you."
"You're a pirate." Luna grumbled.
"Yeah. I'm sorry."
"Do you know her?"
"...Yeah. She's my ex."
"Then is what she said true?" Luna sniffled. "Are you just, playing house with me? Because I'm gullible?"
"No!"
"If-If I find out you're lying to me, I'll never forgive you."
"No, Luna, I was going to tell you everything, I swear."
"Okay." Luna said. "I believe you." She wiped her tears away with her sleeve. "So... That's the kind of girl you're into?"
"Not for a long time now. Too much trouble."
"What kind of girl are you into then?"
"...Okay," Selene said, blushing a little. "There is one other thing I need to tell you, while I'm spilling my secrets-"
