I have hit the point in my depression cycle where I function well enough to be bored but not enough to do much to fix it, so I am having a week where I watch a bunch of reputedly bad films, mostly — ahem — sourced in a manner which does not result in corporate enrichment.
Today's is the racist live-action Ghost in the Shell, and I have paused it roughly halfway through to rhetorically demand why on earth you'd spend money on securing the rights to this only to bolt the name onto a generic constipated made-for-Syfy-ass sophomoric "wah wah medical prosthetics make you LESS HUMAAAAAN" script that takes nothing from the source except hollow memesis of specific scenes and brings nothing to it but turds. Sure, it wouldn't have clawed in as many ticket sales titled, idk, CYBERLADY ORIENTALISM EXPRESS, but on the other hand the rights can't have been that cheap to fucking squander like this?
I nearly said HOT CYBERLADY ORIENTALISM EXPRESS but this shitheap is more plastic sexless than the MCU. Scarlett "Asian Tree" Johannson marches around all "hey look at me, I'm CGI'd to look like a robot designed to look like a nekkid woman!" and it's just...vaguely unheimlich? Like, you could film a curvy toaster with infinitely greater eroticism if you wanted to. There's no teenager horny enough to fap to this, unless maybe they're already serious monsterfuckers and the early spider-climbing geishabot does it for them.
This isn't just a bad film, this is fucking insulting by its very existence. I'm insulted. I'm insulted on behalf of everyone who's watched this, and most of the people who worked on it.
(Not Johannson, though, ya racist shit.)