cass

assigned catgirl at birth

white, early twenties, disabled, lesbian, plural. a cat that just so happens to be a person. sister of @yrgirlkv. makes things, sometimes.


last.fm (cassandra-rose)
Last.FM Recently Played



using a cane every time i go outside has been interesting because how other people deal with my presence in public has changed so radically. a list of changes i have noticed:

  • before, i generally found myself forced to weave around most men i encountered on the street, whereas other women would typically move slightly, and i'd move slightly, and it wouldn't be much of an issue.
  • now, however, men swerve out of my way as though i'm a speeding truck, and more often than not i'm forced to adjust more significantly than i would have to for women. i don't know what the sociological implications are here? also obviously my best guesses as to how folks might identify are like. hazy. but in general this seems to be the pattern
  • in general people will hold doors for me if they notice me, so that's nice? back when i lived in the south this was standard fare, but in new york it was pretty uncommon. now people will hold the door for me.
  • lastly, (and this is the funniest one,) women with strollers, like, seem actively hostile towards me. it's like i'm contesting their seat availability priority, and so they will, like, weaponize the strollers to ensure they have first access to elevators, seats on the train, et cetera. this is far from true for *all* women with strollers i've seen, but it's happened a few times now!
i have mostly included the more neutral/positive changes here but i do also get, like, a lot more staring, mostly, as if people are trying to evaluate exactly how disabled i am. that bit kind of sucks.

EDIT: i also meant to ask if anyone following me (or just reading this in general) has also experienced something like this! i would be interested to see if my experiences match that of other people's...


You must log in to comment.

in reply to @cass's post:

i have mostly included the more neutral/positive changes here but i do also get, like, a lot more staring, mostly, as if people are trying to evaluate exactly how disabled i am.

yeah I sprained my ankle really badly a few years ago and got around with a cane for about a month, and as a pretty physically large mid-30s man I cannot count the number of times I felt like people were judging me for using accessible seating despite carrying a cane and having a visible limp whenever I walked

it's tough! at times i feel like i have to go out of my way to visibly express discomfort in order to satisfy other people's requirements of me. it sucks to be the target of scrutiny just because we don't "look" like we need accommodation.

I have been considering using a cane when I am flaring, but I am wondering it it's worth the tradeoff in losing a free hand and explaining why I need a mobility aid sometimes but not others. Currently I just appear to be a person who eats shit randomly for no particular reason sometimes.

i've been using mine for nearly a month and have yet to be asked to explain myself, for what it's worth. in terms of losing a free hand... i won't lie, it's kind of a hassle. it's best to get one with a strap near the handle- it's not to be worn when you're using the cane normally, 'cause if you fall you could risk extra injury to your wrist, but i usually dangle it around my wrist when i'm standing still so i can finagle with my phone or whatever. ultimately i think the solution to the hand problem is planning: if you can, get a bag that's easily accessible with your free hand, and figure out what you might need before you head out. this doesn't fix things, but it helps a lot.

i know twenty dollars ain't nothin' but you can get a standard adjustable one for about that amount at a rite-aid or CVS or something. if you have the cash to spare, i'd suggest trying it out- i was holding out for ages and it's really helped with my knee pain, as well as balance.

Do you experience wrist/elbow/hand pain? Does transferring the weight cause issues there?

The other problem is that I am frequently holding a parasol in one hand because I am ye olde lupus photosensitve, and a big hat doesn't provide the same coverage. (And also I am usually wearing over-the-ear headphones when I'm walking/taking the bus somewhere because in-ear are deeply uncomfortable for me, so those won't fit over a wide-brimmed hat.)

i do experience wrist pain! i use a wrist brace when using my cane, and that mitigates it significantly. i take the metal part out though, in general flexibility is kinda important there. if you're already using a wrist brace... for me, wrist/hand pain has gone down pretty significantly as i've slowly learned how to redistribute my weight properly to minimize pain. for me the process has been mostly subconscious, but i can't claim that's by any means a universal experience. as folks often say with this kinda stuff, your mileage may vary.

in terms of a parasol, yeah, using an umbrella and a cane is pretty rough. the summer's been dry so far, so i haven't had to worry about it too much, but it's not a fun time. in the end, though, it's like... you get to choose when to use mobility aids, y'know? if you're going out for a bit and your pain is particularly bad at that moment, maybe it's best to go with the cane in addition to the parasol. you can always use your own judgement there.

i'd be happy to talk to ya more in DMs if you've got any more questions! cohost is fine too i just think it's a silly vehicle for prolonged conversations.