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- she/they/whatever
Hi I'm Beem! Professional genderfluid synesthesia-having artist and composer. This is my little all-encompassing blog space on the internet. I'll have doodles and music and various thoughts for things I'm into!
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in reply to @cdbeem's post:
i think we all struggle to some extent with impostor syndrome / comparing ourselves to others - it's a pretty natural assessment to make, and i find myself doing it a lot when we have big listening parties, compilation releases, etc. i try to look at it like: these people have all focused on other, particular aspects of their craft that maybe i haven't, and that's why their amazing-ness sticks out to me. meanwhile i have other things to offer that maybe they haven't toyed with, because my work is the sum of my own experiences, interests, inspirations. perhaps the line is blurry between feeling Inspired vs Overwhelmed by something super cool that another musician has done
none of us really know what we're doing, you know? we develop our craft around what we've found to work that we like, and those choices start to become a sort of "knowing what we're doing" because decisions get easier to make when you've made some decisions before, but i think no one really goes into it with that stable of knowledge in advance. i sorta think that's how composers' voices are formed. we're all iterating on our own "wrongness" (very large quotation marks, wrongness being wholly subjective).
of course that's not to discount the notion that things aren't turning out the way you hear them in your head, which may require some deeper study of some sort, depending on how specific your goals are... but it's still my firm opinion that the best way to make better music is to write more music. and lots of it. and revel in the process of it, regardless of the outcome
i hope my comment on a vent post isn't unwarranted lol, feel free to delete it
I appreciate you commenting! And I think you bring up a good point, in that we're all coming at it from our own perspectives. A lot of the time when we have the music shares and such I find myself thinking "wow, why didn't I think of that?" or "that's way better than what I was doing" and then immediately feeling shame because of it. It's hard to keep in mind that my own perspective is unique and has value too, and that being new to some concepts doesn't make me inferior.
imposter syndrome is a fucking bitch. its so easy to think "oh gosh ---I--- dont deserve this attention! im nobody!" but like, obviously your work has resonated with folks!
also, for what its worth, i dont think any artist truly "knows what theyre doing". I know when i make art, im just kinda flailing around and begging for things to work out right. so i dont think youre just somehow failing upwards or anything, i think thats just how art IS.
but, yes! youre good at music! embrace it!
Yeah you're right. Sometimes it just feels like there's a baseline standard to meet, and a lot of pressure to be an "equal", but I know it's all arbitrary. It means something to the people who matter.