This is jumping off @amaranth-witch's excellent chost about Rogue Trader and how poorly it handles its romantic prospects. Rather than just ranting in her comments, I decided to spin off and talk a bit about this... and how it is crazy that the gold standard for me is still Dragon Age Inquisition.
Before I jump into DAI, I am gonna take a moment and pick on Baldur's Gate 3. It just won a bunch of awards and can take the hit. Also I just lost a 30+ hour honour save and am salty. I think it is a difficult question about how you address the player avatar and who they are able to romance. BG3 took the coward's option of just making everyone bi and horny for the avatar. I always appreciate seeing bi/pan characters, but it doesn't feel like you created characters with that sexual identity, instead they are just whatever they need to be to cater to the protagonist. Beyond gender, there's also the question of other player choices like race or religion. We've seen what Lae'zel thinks of Tieflings, would she really fall for one? Would early Shadowheart have an objection to going on a date with a cleric of Selune? Would any of these people have a personal squick about dating a halfling because they are reminiscent of children? By giving characters turn-offs as well as preferences they feel more realized. I can convince Gale to stay in my party if I slaughter the Druids and Tiefling refugees... but should he still be quite so DTF afterwards?
So, how did Inquisition handle this?
So we have a very fair spread across the board here, I'm gonna address Cullen and Solas last so they won't figure into this first bit. But we have a 3 men and 3 women covering straight, bi, and gay/lesbian. This can feel almost a little mechanical because we have things so equally spread out- but it works for me because it does mean representation is available and the authors aren't trusting on gut-check vibes that shit is queer enough. Cullen and Solas are both only interested in dating women of their own race. They have specific preferences. The interesting thing is that while that skews our previously fair romance chart, it isn't providing any new options for straight dudes, the "target demographic".
When I first played DAI, I was still identifying as both straight and male and that meant I had two choices of who to date: Cassanda and Josephine. I hate both options, I had really wanted to date Sera because she was more the type of girl I date, but she is a lesbian (read into my dating history as you will). Cassandra is... a very boring cop who wants the tradwife love story experience. Josephine seemed cool but I couldn't get myself to pursue her. It was years later that I realized my issue was that she is always at her desk when you are talking to her. It gave real, boss walks in to hit on his secretary vibes, that made flirting with her awkward to me. I don't wanna say anything- she is BUSY.
However, I wound up very interested in Dorian and Iron Bull. Dorian is the gay option in the game and is a really interesting mage from a fucked up culture. Iron Bull is a great example of a character who actually feels bi- like it isn't player differential, he felt representative to me. I was so tempted to pursue either of them when I first played through.. but I went after Cassandra because well... I'm straight right?...
Right?
It fucking bothered me all playthrough.
Circling back, my favorite thing in Baldur's Gate 3 is that during important moments for your companions you can just stand back and let them make their own choices. Frequently, I've been surprised by the choice they made, but it didn't feel right for my player to always interject- it was their choice. So often in RPGs the player avatar is the chosen one who gets to make all the choices, so getting to respect your companions and show trust is great.. but more than that I am able to discover their character more. Oh, that is how they feel?
And it's a real shame that they weren't able to give that same level of agency to your companions when it comes to their sexuality.