ceryl

"We're all out of toner!"

  • he/him

The prettiest sergal on the block, not the smartest.



hystericempress
@hystericempress

🎙️ Okay so like, I know this is a question people have asked about Star Trek before, but like... where the fuck does Starfleet keep the bathrooms?

Like, really think about it. Nobody in Star Trek uses the bathroom. Nobody even talks about the bathroom. They've never even done a bit where an alien dignitary shows up and is like 'hey, where do you keep the head' even in passing. There's like, sonic showers? But I don't think that's what that is.

Seriously, where is Riker cranking one out before his shift? Where does Sisko go after he has a really spicy batch of jambalaya? Is B'Elanna Torres just, like, spending half her day unfucking Voyager's plumbing after Neelix does something unspeakable, or are they just beaming all of it into space or whatever?

[EDIT]: I am learning y'all have, like, a lot of opinions and fan theories on where Starfleet officers drop trou.


moot
@moot

there was talk about it in Voyager a few times about bolians not rating human plumbing very highly, and that they apparently do some wicked shits which was a problem when there were only four functioning toilets for the entire crew in one episode


ceryl
@ceryl

They just get O'Brien to teleport it out of their uniforms.


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in reply to @hystericempress's post:

yeah, on the rear starboard side (camera left, usually) there's the door that leads to the conference room and next to it, on the rear facing wall of that alcove (such that you basically never see it on the show except maybe once or twice if the camera gets up behind the tactical horseshoe) is another, slightly narrower door labelled "head."

i remember once in voyager them briefly mentioning that the monster of the week had affected the toilets and it was causing a serious problem, but iirc they never really went into it or even mentioned the problem had been resolved. but from that there is at least some canon confirmation that people in the future still excrete

ah. so. we know someone who has the theory that the transporters are constantly beaming poop out of people and into the intake of the replicators, and that this is why the transporter room has to be staffed at all times.

Funny thing, many years ago, before Star Trek became popular enough to support a merchandising empire for Paramount (and before the time when people forgot that Star Trek used to be popular enough to support a merchandising empire for Paramount), the fan press picked up the slack and a particularly popular item was...I want to say The Star Fleet Technical Manual, but maybe not. Whatever it was, it had blueprints of all the decks, but no deck had a bathroom.

Before the Great Trekkie-Trekker Schism, before there were enough captains to bicker about which captain was better, even before fans had absolute rules to tell you which movies to like and dislike, people seriously argued about this. Did the drafter simply forget? Do they have bathrooms, but in private spaces, and everyone's too modest to talk about it? Do they hold it in, explaining why everyone wants to get on landing parties, even though you're probably not coming back if your name isn't in the opening credits? Does Scotty beam it all out and use it to annihilate with antipoop?

When Paramount realized that they could make some extra cash by publishing official reference guides, I believe that one of them basically says that the doors that you never see people use go to bathrooms, destroying fan engagement and making the universe a far more boring place to explore. "Let's see what's out there," indeed...

This gives me such "where's the plumbing in A Way Out?" vibes. 😄

They show the bathroom a few times iirc, usually attached to personal quarters. Deanna is found in a bathtub in Genesis (7x19 where everyone devolves), Deanna briefly goes to her bathroom sink in The Survivors (3x3 the older couple alone on the planet). Neither example depicts a toilet. Surely it can't just be Deanna who uses the bathroom but my memory fails to recall other examples. I'm fairly sure there are brief instances in VOY and DS9, but bathrooms in general are so inert in Trek. I can't remember any depictions of crew being like "Why did the stabilizers on the shuttle have to break on this away mission? I have got to go and this turbulence is killing me!"

in reply to @moot's post:

Greatest Generation has a theory where they just use the transporter to beam the shit directly out your arsehole when needed.

Guess it gives Chief O'Brien something to do when they're just flying around