it's all good, no worries! i'd guess you're hardly the first person who's been flipping this one over in their brain; gender is weird, after all! (to me, at least. in a good way!)
and honestly, i think it's up to one's own perspective. to me, any relationship i find myself in is going to be queer, because of how i find myself approaching it in relation to my own gender identity, and the roles taken up within said relationship.
Prescriptivism is the concept that there are "right" and "wrong" ways to use language. A straight relationship is between people of different genders (hence HETEROsexual, hetero meaning different), while a gay relationship is between people who have the same gender (i.e. HOMOsexual). So a nonbinary person dating another nonbinary person (and we assume they only ID as nonbinary and that there are only 3 genders in existence (guy/gal/nonbiney)) would be homosexual i.e. gay. A nonbinary person dating a binary gendered person would be straight.
But we are not French. Prescriptivism is dumb and bad and ignores, you know, the reality of language. Descriptivism is when you, uh, describe language in how it is used. The "right" way to use something is how it's actually used by people.
Which means that a straight relationship is between a binary man and a binary woman, and a gay relationship is anything that is not that. So anything a nonbinary person is doing is inherently gay, because it can never be straight, because a nonbinary person is neither a binary man nor a binary woman, so you can never meet the definition of straight.












