While digging for other stuff, I came across an early story document for Octopus Pie’s “Boy Problems” chapter. At this point the story is nearly complete, with a few noticeable differences.

This is probably mostly interesting to people who know that particular story by heart (for which I have no metric, only vaguely knowing the comic’s total readership), but it may offer some broader insight into my comic-writing process in 2015, and the kind of choices that were made in advance vs. what came out on the spot, thanks to the daily-ness of a serialized webcomic, and the efforts of my collaborators.

At any rate, here it is below the cut!

We open with Marigold at her office, FB messaging with her mom. Mom sends her a picture from her Bat Mitzvah and they reminisce about it. Mar realizes she hasn't spoken to any of those people in years. Suddenly, Marigold's boss shows up in her cubicle door.

Her boss, an heir to the company who's the same age as her, is trying to come off as a cool person to work with (specifically, to work under). In saying goodbye to her mom, the boss catches a glimpse of Mar's photo. They exchange a few words about being Jewish - Mar remembers her Torah portion very clearly, a fact the boss finds quaint. She declares Marigold is a mysterious person who she just keeps on learning new things about!!

The boss leans into hinting that it's her birthday, and Marigold gets the hint. Mar is informed that some other co-workers have decided (but, we assume, they were coerced) to throw her a party after lunch. "It's like a pastry potluck, everyone's bringing something." Mar realizes she'll need to get her something. As the boss leaves to talk to the next cubicle, Mar checks in her drawers and notices an old keepsake of Hanna's (a hard drive?).

At lunchtime, with a slight hesitation in her heart, Marigold shows up to Jane's coffee shop to buy some pastries, along with the item of sentimental value. She's uncomfortable about offering it, but thinks Hanna would want it.

Will happens to be there, much to Marigold's surprise and skipping heart. He hears everything, and offers to return it to Hanna personally. He'll even drop it in a junk pile for Hanna to find on her own. Marigold thanks him and he leaves. Feeling emotionally vulnerable, Marigold is more than happy to go to lunch with Jane.

They go to a place Jane frequents for lunch. It's a cheapo restaurant but there's a lovely (albeit crowded) garden view. Mar (who lives alone now - Jane is impressed!) laments that she can't escape the crowds. Boss on her back, exes at the cafes, 9-5 crowd moving with her in a constant wave. Jane promises to show her somewhere private - the place she goes to find peace. There is some flirtation going on here.

They exit to the bar portion of the restaurant - packed to the brim - and Jane says voila. In the middle of the crowd, Jane proclaims that the mind is the most private space there is. Marigold laughs and calls Jane an asshole for this - she was, after all, really looking forward to what she'd been promised. Jane insists that she's serious, and that Mar give it a shot. With a little hesitation, Marigold tries to pretend there's no one but the two of them. It's in this moment that she feels emboldened to kiss Jane.

Surprised by this, it takes Jane a moment of realization to decide they need to "get the fuck out of this crowd". She grabs Mar by the hand and leads her out to the street. Jane is playing it cool to Mar's bashful amusement. Picking a better spot, Jane is now the aggressive one. Mar admits to never thinking this would happen, but hoping it would.

They part at the train, where Mar needs to return to work with her pastries. Jane asks if Mar wants to meet later that night. Mar promises to text and work out the details. But is there a hint of hesitation in her tone? Jane wonders.

Mar returns to work, where she is greeted with her boss' party. Her friends Paris and (uhhh) are there, among other people she has very little in common with. The boss playfully busts her balls about the Bat Mitzvah thing in front of everyone. Marigold laughs when she desperately wants to run. The scene begs the overarching question: Who is the real Marigold, and who does she reveal it to?

Meanwhile, Jane returns to work and gets easily flustered with her co-workers. She's irritated by Don's story of a girl he's into, suggesting he doesn't know much about women. Meanwhile, Mike Van Montpelier has a big project for her.

There should be some moment of character building here. Jane does something to help Mike that shows us her self determination. We should have more to hold onto than her love interest, but it should play harmoniously into her romantic notions. She believes in a lot. Things work out best when she follows her convictions. In the end, she makes/saves Mike a lot of money. We ask the question, when are convictions helpful or hurtful?

At some point, in a rare moment of isolation, she's visited by Eve's conscience - her magical straight friend. Through dialogue the reader is reminded that Hanna has told Jane some rotten things about Mar. Is it true that Marigold has nothing figured out, and is a romance with a woman just another outfit she's trying on? The conscience players end up getting into a deadly fight, where the nerd Eve is killed.

By now, with work ending, Jane is considering not showing up to their proposed meeting place. Her final interaction with Mike drives it home. Better to avoid the pain of rejection. Even if there IS something there, it's just not worth looking into for the equally large chance that there isn't. She'll send herself on a downward spiral that her heart just can't take. It is the principle of Schroedinger's girlfriend - better to never know what it would've been. Jane falls into numbness over the loneliness and comfort of this decision.

But she is still very doubtful. She shows up to an empty bar, an ominous sign. She sits at a table and reads. Perhaps she has a conversation with someone at the bar - an indication to the reader that Mar might not show. Jane starts to see images of a cruel, callous Marigold in her mind.

Eventually Marigold shows up. Jane is instantly on the defensive, seeing how reluctant Mar seems to be in here. Mar admits she almost didn't show. She goes on to suggest that Jane might be getting the wrong impression of her. Jane is certain she knows what this means - her convictions lead her to that place. She leads herself fully to that dark place, where she is lonely but protected. Perhaps Jane almost blows it - saying something to assert her coolness with the situation. But finally she lets Mar speak.

Mar states plainly that she knows herself, and that she falls intensely for the people she's with. This frequently scares them away, she says. She can't help the way she's feeling - already, the thought of Jane has consumed her. She's so afraid of the implications of this, she'd almost rather love her alone than find out she can't. Shocked by this realization, Jane allows herself to be completely vulnerable.

Here I spend the rest of the document trying to figure out Jane's real dilemma. I struggled to make clear the real conflict here, and how it might manifest in their relationship later on. Often writing out little conversations with myself was (and still is) the answer.

Jane's evidence that Mar doesn't want her:
-she's straight, as far as we know
-this scenario has gone poorly before
-she seemed reluctant to meet again
-her texts didn't seem that enthusiastic
-she picked a bar near her house ("Wow, don't go out of your way, Mar...")
-Hanna's trash talk about her
-she liked all her shit on social media

Positive evidence Jane is ignoring:
-what happened this morning
-their obvious attraction
-the fact that they ARE meeting tonight
-she liked all her shit on social media

So what are the circumstances under which they meet? This is the challenge for today. What can it be tied into?

Jane is dealing with the dilemma of whether or not it's best to know. What sort of work event could parallel that?

And the document ends with a few coffee shop dialogues I was trying out. I mostly landed the one with Don, but this Mike stuff was changed significantly.

MIKE
The state of not knowing is also a choice. Not knowing enables the answer you want to always be a possibility. The possibility can almost seem better than the true outcome.

Apartment hunting is so easy when you're not moving, isn't it? You find the perfect one, never go through the arduous task of living there. The fantasy is complete.

There's no harm in fantasy. And in spite of what you might've heard, there's no harm in missing out. What could've been doesn't take away from what was, or will be.

--

JANE
But your place is so nice.

DON
Yeah I guess it's all right. Maria and [her boyfriend] are a little suffocating sometimes.

JANE
Compared to the people I've lived with, they're amazing.

JANE
Why don't you go see it then?

DON
This one is perfect. Gorgeous building, garden... three bedrooms for the price of two. God, can you imagine?
It's a little far from the train, but that'd make a nice bike ride, I bet.
We could each have a private room, AND a little studio. Would you live there with me, Jane?

JANE
Yeah, buddy. That'd be so nice.

In all, the story came out mostly as I'd planned it. But notably, two scenes (which are arguably some of OP's most remembered) were improvised while the story was already running. So a few more words about those...

The first (the massive "coming home" tracking shot) was my attempt to make more visceral what was coming across as logical. Halfway through a story I'd often do a bit of steering wheel correction. When I brought this idea to my then-fiance-now-husband Mike, he was immediately ready to draw it with me, and thankfully Valerie was up to the challenge of coloring it. I think we were all energized by the spontaneity of it. It's the sort of thing I've gestured toward in other posts as only possible in a serialized story. So there you go, a real example!

The second (the feminist bartender) was another bit of course correction where I feared Jane's inner anguish was just coming across too serious, and the world around her needed to be more ridiculous. And ridiculous, it was!

I think that's about it. If you've read this much, I love you for it! This story was such a big deal to me during its creation, and I'm grateful it has meant something to others over the years.